I Miss My Dad

hello my names meg and im 14 years old and i really need some advice;
its 9 months today since i last seen my dad, i miss him more than anything in the world and i have no idea what to do
i know it sounds silly and people will think "just go and see him" but after everything i find it so hard to forgive him
he doesn't see what he's done wrong, he's brought so much trouble onto me and my mom and my om means the absolute world to me
he's hurt her, and that hurt me more than anything
i've sat down with him and had a meal and tried to have a normal, adult conversation with him and explain how he's hurt me and how much he's hurt me but he doesn't seem to understand, at first i thought it was me not being able to explain anything that well, but when i've explained it in the exact same way to my friends or other family members they all understand and they all think that it makes 100% sense and that it's not me in the wrong
since i've not been speaking to my dad his half have the family have compleatly shut me out too, i havnt seen my grandma or grandad or uncle for 9 months now too and i rarely see my brother anymore

i didn't think it was that bad at first, for the first couple of weeks i was upset but thats normal, after that i started to think "im doing fine without him" and i still try and think that now but i have days where i just break down becuase everythings getting on top of me and the one thing i want is a cuddle off my dad and for him to tell me that everythings going to be ok
of course i get that off my mom and i love her for it, but i need my dad here too
its so hard, even when i just go out for the day and see a man with his daughter at the park or shopping or just small things like that i have to put a smile on my face and think "it doesnt matter" when really deep down all im thinking is "i miss that"
ive tried speaking to him since, ive wrote him letters, cards and ive tried to call / text him but he's blocked my number so that i cant speak to him or contact him, he did reply to one of my letters and in that letter he told me not to try and contact him anymore and that as far as he is concered im not his daughter and he doesnt want anything to do with me, hes compleatly shut me out

its not just that i miss him, i miss being able to call someone my dad and miss cuddling on the sofa watching simpsons, easting a pizza and having a night in with my dad, i miss being a "daddy's girl" and i miss being able to run in the door crying to him and pouring my hert out to him about everythign thats happened and him helping me with his advice about boys or school or just anything that i needed help with.
ive never really been close to my mom and i dont tell her much atall, i dont know why its just the way things are, i was always closer to my dad and since he walked out and left us, i find it so hard to be able to trust anyone, let alone a boy or a man anymore

i know this sounds really pathetic to some people becuase there is some poeple that have lost their dads and knowing that their not going to see them again is the worst thought in the world, but its effected me alot more than i thought it would, i dont know what to do anymore, im sick of spending nights in my room crying becuase my dad doesnt want me anymore and he doesnt have a care in the world of how much he's upset and hurt me, someone please help me?
08megdaw 08megdaw
13-15, F
1 Response May 20, 2012

hi my name is helena and i am 22 years old, i understand where you coming from because exactly what is happeninng to you happen to me. when i was 14 my dad left us and had a new family he didn't called us or even said let me see how their doing. my mother had to work night and day just to provide for us and he thinks he didn't do nothing bad.. after his wife change their number and said we are not his kids because now he is married to her and we are just garbage. it broak my heart i just need my dad to be there to hold me and say im here and always. i had to grow up and learn by myself what is write and wrong, since my mother been working and didn't know how to raise us (she didn't went to school and was abuse by her mother), but to me she is an amazing women and i love her and i am thankful to have her. i got married november 2010 and was pregnant with my 15 month old babygirl now. my mother in law called my dad and said your daughter would like to enter the church with her dad and he answered no thank you, i don't want to be a part of it, my heart just stopped. he never showed and until this day i havent seen him and he never met my baby. :( i dont know how can you bring a kid into this world and let her suffer becuase your selfish..being a mother opened my eyes that we love what we have and let go of what one day we had...