I'm Tired Of Hiding Behind A Mask ...

I am 17 years old and everyone knows me as the fun and goofy person that always has a smile on.... In all reality I feel trapped . I was recently diagnosed with ADD & ADHD , I was strongly hoping that my medication would help my emotions some, but nothing has seemed to work . I've been depressed for as long as I can remember . Growing up , my dad was an alcoholic and still is today , he's never really been in my life & I resent him for that . My mom raised me when she wasn't with a million other guys . My parents divorced when I was in 2nd grade and were on & off for 7 years after that .. I didn't think that this would affect me as much as it is , I dated this guy for a year & we broke up over a year ago & I'm still not over him . I love him because he was the first guy that I really had in my life . I find it hard to just let go because his family always tell me how much they love & miss me ... I mean is it my fault for being happy because I finally got to experience what a real family was ? I now live with my grandparents because
I'm trying to have a normal decent senior year , but old memories and depression is completely ruining it for me.... My close friends are tired of listening to my problems &
earlier I texted my friend about college advice because that's also stressing me out & he completely went off on me
.... I always try to help everyone & keep a smile on my face to please others .... But it's getting rather impossible to do ):

HELP ??
lld43 lld43
18-21, F
Sep 17, 2012