Can A Marriage Survive Without Complete Trust?

I have made mistakes in the past with my now husband. However, I have never slept with someone else. We've been married for 6 1/2 years. When we first dated, I did receive attention from other men. However, I always ended up confessing and telling him the truth. He however, never seemed to fully trust me. He'd always question me and make me feel like I was doing something wrong. I work in a male dominated industry so you can imagine how this was difficult for him.

Recently, I was out of town for work and I drank alcohol. I never drink, and I've never drank with co workers before. I decided to drink because recently I did drink with my husband and it was fine. Therefore, I thought it wouldn't be a problem. Later that night he called me out on drinking and I denied it. I then deleted text messages/phone call records on my phone because I knew my husband would check them and question why I was texting a co worker. I texted my co worker because I wanted to socialize with him and the group of co workers. I didn't want my husband to think something was going on with that particular co worker because I had texted him multiple times.

The evidence shows I am guilty, however, I did not have an affair, I did not cheat on my husband. He threatens to leave me and take our daughter. Is it fair of me to ask him to believe me? How can I expect him to believe me when all the evidence is stacked up against me?  Please share with me your thoughts..... 
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1 Response Sep 18, 2012

My husband and I are going through something very similar, except it's the other way around, and he's the one experiencing your end of the story. This has been a recurring problem between us, and I finally decided that if we can't talk about it, there really is no point in staying in our relationship for the sake of appearances.

After talking about this issue more openly with him, I cannot say with much certainty that he has been completely faithful. This is something I want to believe, but at the same time, I fear that if I do, and he knows that I do, he will pursue the path of infidelity without worrying about being caught. I have voiced this fear to him several times, and each time I was answered by silence.

I believe it is important here to know how excruciating it is to be told that your suspicions are wrong while at the same time being refused the reassurance that these suspicions will never be realized. It is much like being shown a thing of beauty, being allowed to smell it, to taste it. Only for it to be taken away when you reach out for it.

If your husband feels towards you the way I feel about my husband, then he doesn't want to leave. What he wants is for you to take his hand, hold it, and say that he is the most beautiful thing you've ever held. He wants you to fight back, to fight him, to fight for him. Convince him that he's the only one. If he doesn't believe you, convince him again. The firmer you are about this, the more likely he is to believe you.

Then again, I could be wrong. This is how I feel, anyway.

Good luck, and I hope you don't give up trying.