Cheating..

So I've not always been the most faithful partner and I know I've made many mistakes in the past.. I've been with my boyfriend 7 months now and I've cheated on him with 4 different people, 3 he knows about and accepted because i was blacked out drunk. About a month ago i got wasted with my best friend and we ended up messing around. He also has a girlfriend and we all are close to one another. After the first time I initially felt guilty and thought the best route would be to end my relationship but my boyfriend broke down and I realized how much he really does love me. I love him too but he doesnt please me.. ever. And I wish that this whole thing had never happened but now that me and my friend have had sex mutiple times, drunk and sober, I know this is an affair and I just don't know how to go about fixing this. Only me and my friend know and I could never tell my boyfriend. He's been dropping hints for a while that lead me to believe he's going to propose to me on christmas and I do want to be with him forever because there's no one in the world like him and I love him so much. I just don't understand why I do these things and why my emotions flip flop everyday. I don't know what to do and its giving me anxiety attacks.. I just need help.
repaserk repaserk
18-21
Nov 26, 2012