I Don't Know What To Do....

My story is kind of long.... My little brother passed away not to long ago and i have been heart broken and alone. I smile in front of everyone, then behind closed doors i fall apart. I was in a really bad place for a long while when this guy came along. Johnathon. It was our freshman year in high school, and we became great friends. He would walk me to class, open my sodas for me, tickle me, he made me laugh, he made me forget how sad i was when i was with him. The year went by without anything happening. Then my parents where going to get divorced and i was going to leave him... He kissed me goodbye. That summer I moved 200 miles away from him. I thought about him all the time.... Then i finally got my phone back! It had been months since i talked to him... but i took the chance and texted him hello. We ended up talking for hours. It was like i had never left. He asked me out. He told me that he hadn't realized how much he missed me, how much he needed me, until i left. So i drove back into town almost every weekend to see him. We dated like this for a few month before the distance became too much and i decided to move back into town with my mom. The problem was she still didn't let us see eachother as much as we wanted. I miss him every moment I'm away. I fell in love with him. We had been going out for a year. Then my best guy friend broke up with his girlfriend and things between him and me changed. He started getting really protective and was around all the time. He knew i was with my Johnathon but he said he didn't care. I had to end our friendship because he told me he was in love with me. It hurt and it is so hard not talking to him. A few weeks ago my mom and i got in a huge fight and she kicked me out. So i left to go stay with one of my girl friends. She then felt the need to call my Johnathon, and tell him i was cheating on him. She told him i was lying and seeing my best friend behind his back. After i heard this i came back home, we fought more, and later that night Johnathon showed up. I tried to explain to him what happened but he wouldn't listen to me. He left, and i havent heard from him since. I opened up to him in a way i have never opened up to anyone. He held me when i cried, he made me smile at all the memories that made my chest ache. He saved me from self destruction. He called me wife, we talked about marriage and children and a life together. He made me happy, and when i had a bad day where it was impossible to be happy he was there to hold me while i cried. He was there to listen to my stories of my brother. I love him with all my heart, and i haven't been happy since the night he left. I want to fix things with us but i don't know how. Am i stupid for waiting? Do you think we can work this out? I feel like he is the one thing i will ever need to be whole again. Please tell me what am i supposed to do? How do i fix things? should i even try to fix it? why hasnt he done anything?
HisVanessa HisVanessa
18-21, F
Dec 7, 2012