A Crazy Life- Affairs & 15yr Old Abuse Please Help!

i am a 15yr old girl, i live with my mother and step dad. my mom has been having an affair with a 19 yr old for about 9 months, and for about 6 months this man has been touching me, and kissing me when shes not looking and feeling on me. i didnt know what to do, shud i tell her? i couldnt it wud break her to pieces to know that sumbody she trusts is doing this and i dont want to get her in trouble. the situation is actually really deep wich makes it even harder to tell her. me my mom and lets call him "joe" always hung out and went everywhere together when my step dad wasnt around it was so fun, i felt so happy, i thought maybe i shudnt say anything because i dont want to ruin anything. i feel like i was going crazy, like in law and order the kids that go through this look scared and dead inside but i felt ok, i just felt guilty cause i was letting this happen. so it was going on for a while and then he upped the anty and started to have sex with me when my mom was asleep, i dont know what to call it because i wasnt enjoying it, i didnt even want it to happen, but i wasnt stopping it, i was just lying there, i didnt know what to do.. i didnt wanna call it rape either cause i wasnt feeling traumatized.and im suppose to be 15 but i cant defend myself and say no (which i did a couple of times) i feel like its all my fault, im so confused right now. he continued the sex for months n months, always complimenting me, n stuff, buthe wud also try to make me mad but i dont wana get into that. he wud tell me that he loved me, and i wasnt sure if i felt anything for him, i guess i loved him because he was around us so long and hes a fun person, but i didnt love him ike a boyfriend. well anyway..yesterday i told my mom about the whole thing, sorta, i only told her that he tried to come onto me thats it, and it was so hard for the words to even come out of my mouth.. joe was just sayding "its not true i wud never do that to you and im just mad thats y i made it up'... well heres the problem, now my mom is dying inside, she didnt really ask me how i felt but i didnt really care, i cared about her, i feel like i shud have just kept it to myself, she is so hurt and i dont know what to do. i just got off the phone with joe and hes telling me that i have to tell her i was lying because she is unbelievbly hurt its crazy.. im seriouly considering it, but my mom will think im a bad person for making such a crazy accusation..what shud i do? (sorry abt the spelling, i was trying to type fast)
15andlost 15andlost
1 Response Dec 8, 2012

i guess it didnt feel like rape to me, since this is somebody i know and care about... but i defiantly did not wanna do nothing with him... and i really dont wanna get anyone involved but the 3 of us, i dont want to make a big deal, i just want it all to be over and how do i do that