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I Need Advice

im 26. Im having a problem with my boyfriend. its been 4 years and 10 months im with my bf (M). All this while i was happy with him in this relationship. but things changed a lot when i moved to johor early this year. i got a job there and my bf is the one who force me to go for this job. he was a very loving, caring, and concern. but past 4 months things changed when i talk about my wedding.he cheated me n lied to me when he went for a company meeting with his working colleague and stayed with her one night. she is a girl. i felt very unsecured. i fight with him he gave me promises that nothing happen between them. things was much better for awhile. i ask him to register me so that i can get transfer to the place he is. but from that moment he started to fight quarrel and everything is upside down in this relationship. he is avoiding me to the maximum. he is hurting me. its been twice in this four months he has shown me that his friends including the working colleague(the girl), family are more important then me. i came all the way to spend one week with him but he just scream at me and make me feel really bad. i love him so much i want him so much i want to marry him. but he seems to be a monster when i talk about wedding.now i don't talk about it already but he is not calling me as much as he used to be, he is smsing as much as he use to. i call he wont answer or ended up in fighting. this been happening for past 4 months. he was not like this earlier. im being very sincere with him a don't even have any normal boy friends.i did all kind of sacrifice just for him. but he is treating like a ****. i already talk to him about what i feel how much he hurts me but after a week he don't bother about it. im against my family just for him. i convince everyone in my family for him. but i cant convince him to register him now i cant even convince him to be with me. im not sure whether he is sincere with me or not. now he is totally 100% different men compare to past 4 months. i don't wan to go through this process again with another guy. i even feel sometime its better to be single then being in this relationship. i cant share him with anyone. whatever mistake he do he will neva commit the mistake but he will blame me for what he is doin.he wil say he did it because of me. for an example i came back for him from johor on sat morning. he ask me to go out with him as early as 8 am cause he have to service his car and he wants me to accompany him. i told him im very tired and i want to take rest. the whole day i neva go out of my house and i was just at home. he konws that. on sunday he suppose to meet me but sudenly he call and said he have to go to his brothers house and shoping and play football and go for function. so i went to his brothers place jus to see him cause its been long i didn't see him. the moment he see me he scream and shout at me and ask me to leave cause he don't have time for me and he got better things to do. when i asked y he is behaving like this he answered i didn't want to be with him on saturday morning for the car service so he dont wish to see me. that really hurts me a lot. he break my heart to thousand pieces. its always its always me is the one who have to go after him. even i do the mistake o he does i have to go apologize . when i ask him why he is treating me like this he always says that its me who go after him. he always says that only i need him. if i ask what he will do if i leave him.he answer is be single for a while get married with other girl and continue his life. he always says that i cant leave him and go whenever i want and he wont stop or bother about it. he says that he will be with me until im sincere if i found someone already means he will lead his life. i cant share this to my friends or family members cause im scared if i share this with them they wont respect him if ,if things get better between us. we are also in physical relationship since the first year. but from the begining till now he always says that he will go to prostitute if i dnt give him what he wants. all the while i listen to him cause i want him to be with me cause i cannot share him with other girl. but im afraid he will go for one soon. he promised me that he neva been with another girl other then me but im not sure how sure it is. we are suppose to go for a 2 day holiday jus now he call me whether the plan is on o not. i told him i dnot want cause he is treating me like a third person. until now no calls from him. i call him he didnt bother to answer. lately he is hurting me too much. i don't know how to express my feeling to him after this im jus tired of getting hurt. please give some advice.


suzan26 suzan26 26-30 12 Responses Dec 15, 2012

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thanks a lot for your comment. i feel so relief. at least i know there is someone listening to what im saying.

mayb i think i will change my number. until i hold this number i dont why i cannot control myself from calling him. if he call me and talk once also i will go back to him a know about it. cause i still love him very much. i just hope time can change and heal everything that im going through now.

Do what you feel is right in your heart... I can see how hard it must be from restraining to call but you should. Yeah love doesn't disappear, look back at these messages sent back and forth... See, that what you are going through isn't good for you. Eventually these walls built together from you two will slowly be falling apart if your not willing to make a change. If not now, I would hate to see you get hurt more if you don't decide to separate. Again, this is your choice.

Hope nothing but the best for you. You're very welcomed... Take care, okay.

before he hang the phone he said he got more important things to do then talking to me about this.he said his wasting his time talking to me about this. this time i got very angry. i did try a few times after he hang but after a while i stop calling him.

no he didnt take any iniciative to give me a call. sunday i call him in the morning after mass he answer but he didnt want to talk to him. he switch offf his handphone after a few minutes. 2 hopurs later i call him. i ask why is he behaving like this. i ask him whether he want to be in this relationship or not. all his answer was he said he will marry me after 2 years. he will do whatever he wants. i can do whatever he wants. he will marry me for the sake of loving me and sleeping with me. he ask me to not question him on anything if i did he will not answer and switch off his hp.he say he is not forcing me to be in this relationship. if i want i can go and find someone i like and marry that guy. all i need to do is just inform him when i get married.and again he switch his handphone.

It sounds as if he isn't taking your two's relationship serious if he is then there are no signs in reading what you stated here. I'm very sorry, hun. You should definitely consider moving forward even if there is a ounce in your heart that tells you to. Take it.

He may need time on his own too after him telling you "he'll do whatever he wants". It sounds as if he's not done being single and wants to explore his options while still having you. This isn't fair to you...

Consider being happy for yourself, having your family in your life again. It's in crystal clear "he tells you he isn't forcing you to stay". He's giving you an option to move on what further answer do you need. I wish the best for you, consider this... You owe it to yourself.

thank a ot for the advice my friends

You're very welcome, if you need a friend to talk to don't hesitate to message me. Hope this has helped you.

breaking up with him is like destroying my dream i build with him that like ....................... i cant explain

Not essentially breaking up but giving marriage a 2nd thought. I understand you love him but if he's not treating you with respect and has been showing you these actions that hurt you it may not be hurting you physically, yet emotionally. Why do you put yourself through it?

To physically hurt yourself over him is only causing you more pain too and more than likely for him too.

A relationship is like creating a bridge for two to walk on a road that you create together. I do see what your saying "your dream you built with him".

Has he talked to you yet?

u mean i should break up with him

what would you advise me to do .. im so confused hurt and so painfull... i did once cut my hand for him saying to leave ,me

Let him go. You owe it to yourself to have someone better for the rest of your life. Tell your family why you need to go separate ways. I know it hurts but you have to do it. There is no other way.

I'm very sorry you have to go through what your going through. You give and give, he treats you as he is now? It's like your numb to seeing the real picture of what love should feel like presently. When he messed he messed up both of yours relationship. He may not admit he messed up but surely. How does your relationship change drastically after that one night he stayed the night with that colleague? There is missing pieces to why he can't provide you with the love he showed you in the gecko of the relationship. If he can't give you a answer as to why doesn't seem like he is taking your relationship seriously. <br />
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He shouldn't be treating you this way regardless. Can you imagine being married? Feeling the way you have been. What your feeling doesn't go away unless it's resolved and even resolved doesn't mean it's completely gone. <br />
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Take a look as you have been at what is going on now. You deserve far better!

u think i shouldnt giv him a chance

It sounds like you've been giving him chances. What has he given you? You seem to care very much about him and love him. From what you've shared it doesn't sound like he is meeting you half way in your relationship. He needs to share his love back and not keep treating you the way he has been...

Your percentage on hope should be higher. Why do you put yourself through that? The love of your family is more giving than what he has showed you these past months as you stated.

the 20% is just a hope that he will change

20% is not enough to gamble your life on. You deserve better.

i'm so confused i love him so much i share everything with him but i dont know why he is behaving like this all this sudden ....... i call him just now he said he dont want to talk about this. he say he will marry me but he will do whatever he want and so do i..... its so difficult for me to spend one day without thinking of him or without talking to him

Do you think he still loves you?

20% yes

Are you willing to take that 20% for the rest of your life? He is already hurting you right now. People who are about to get married are supposed to very happy as their wedding nears. But it is only hurting you deeply.

Do you think he still deserves you after he everything he let you go through?