Family Drama

Hello, I have a big issue and I just don't know how to handle it anymore so I would really love someone else's perspective. It's a complicated situation so let me start from the beginning. In January 2006 my Grandfather passed away. He was a great man and amazing to be around, but the problem was that he drank, a lot. He did not work, just drank all day. He died because he tired his heart out by pumping all of that thinned blood. My Grandma was devastated, began drinking more (beers in the morning before work). In October 2009 she died in a car accident because she left a bar at two in the morning completely wasted. My Grandma was like my best friend and when she died I felt like a piece of me died with her. My mom had me when she was 18 and my father wasn't in the picture, so she lived at home at went to school/work and my Grandma watched me all of the time. She pretty much raised me until I was 3, saw all of my firsts, I even called her Mom. My mother was always around, of course, just not as much as my Grandma. When I was 3 my mom met my stepdad and we moved out. My family was very close, so me and my Grandma remained as close as ever. She used to always tell my mom "Let her come live with me." Even after her other grandchildren were born, I was truly her favorite, I was like one of her children. I miss her so much and am still trying to grieve. That's kind of the backdrop to my problem. There is A LOT to explain, so please bear with me, Here is the second part on the backdrop:
My stepdad has been around since I was 3 years old. He has always provided for me. Him and my mom had another two children, my brother and sister. He is a hardworker, he busts his butt to provide for his family and makes sure they have everything they want. However, he drinks A LOT, and pops prescription pills. This turns him into a completely different man. He started to change a lot when I was around 13 years old. Before that, everything was great. He lost his construction business around that time so he just started to use alcohol as an escape and over the years we began to not get along at all. He still works hard an all, but is like a functioning alcoholic. The first terrible thing I can remember is when I was 13 and my parents were fighting. He threw a book at my mom's head and then punched her and gave her an instant black eye. We called the cops on him and they picked him up at a hotel and informed my mom he was with another woman. She ended up forgiving him and we moved on. Growing up, I could not STAND to see my mom treated terrible. My mom is beautiful and kind-hearted, and has always treated him like a king. Seriously. I would end up interfering with their fights quite a bit because of what he did. He always puts her down, calls her fat. Once he had her pinned against the kitchen sink and I tried to push him off and he almost pushed me down the stairs. Things would always get better so it was easy to forgive him, until the next thing happened. When I was 15 we moved to Arizona and he was diagnosed with depression so they put him on Xanax. He was still drinking a lot and would take 3 pills instead of 1 like he was suppose to. He would black out a lot. Once we got into an argument because he was making fun of an Autistic kid and he told my mom he was going to beat my ***, so I lost it and started yelling and he grabbed my throat. Another time my mom hid his pills so he would stop abusing them and she handed them to me and he almost crushed my hand trying to get the pills out. He then proceeded to ask me to go fight him in the backyard. He has called me a *****, ****, etc. He would even say that I am lucky he took my mom and I in. After he would do these things, he would always apologize and my mom would say I had to accept it because he is my dad, and there was always something that she said I would have to change because I would get disrespectful when he did this sort of thing. She always makes excuses for him and hardly stuck up for me. He would always tell me he knew he had a problem and needed my help, so I would try, and then he would always fight with me and it would go down the drain. I have seen him throwing up blood, and it was terrifying. He also has sleep problems so the doctors prescribed him Ambien, but as always he abuses it. One night my mom woke me up because he woke up in the middle night, locked himself in the bathroom and was punching himself in the face. A couple nights later, she woke me up again, but this time he was shaving and saying he had to go to work. He was so out of it and cut himself while shaving. He then went out to the car and tried to drive, he almost hit a tree. I had to run in the middle of the street, jump in the passenger's side, and put the car into park. We then decided to move back home to Colorado (May 2010), and at this point I was 19. It was a few months after my grandma passed. He was constantly putting my mom down, telling her that he wished we would of stayed in AZ and he could be in Colorado by himself. They got into an argument one night and pushed my mom. She came out of the room screaming that he hit her. I didn't do anything stupid, I just yelled and said he wasn't a real man for touching her. The next morning, my mom told me I was disrespectful and had to get out. I lived with my uncle and by this point I was lost. My parents let me come home, but now I was just a different person. My best friend Rissa had a child and was pregnant with another and I was envious. I was on a destructive path and would of gotten pregnant by anyone. Thankfully, during that time, I met my soulmate, and here we go into backdrop number 3:
I used to be a full time student. When I moved back to Colorado, I decided to take online classes and get a full time job to get on my own two feet. My first day, I met my now husband. Things were still kind of rough at home so I didn't tell my parents about him at first, but mainly for one reason, he is 15 years older than me. But his age didn't matter. For the first time I found someone that truly made me just happy. He saw what I was going through with my parents and offered for me to live with him. I thought about the decision for about 2 weeks and then decided to do it. The night I was going to tell my parents, my dad and I go into yet another fight because he was mad that my Uncle called him a bad parent. I was so sad and told my mom about our fight. Later that night she called me, of course took his side, so I decided I would just write my mom a letter about my boyfriend because I knew I wouldn't be able to share my whole side if I had done it in person. When they knew about him they flipped out. My dad called him a *********, my mom said they would never be happy for me being with him. 3 months after I moved in with him, we were so in love and I became pregnant, which of course my parents hated even more. They did not meet him until I was 8 months pregnant. After they finally met, I thought everything would finally fall into place, but of course I was wrong again.
Things were going great until my son was about 6 months. My mom was worried about my dad because she was drinking and taking pain pills that were given to him from a friend. One day when they were driving to my house and he was passing out. My mom took him to the hospital and he refused to go in and walked home. My Uncle and Aunt were worried so went to the house as well. My dad ended having a seizure and hit his head. They called the ambulance and when they came my dad tried to fight them off and had to be restrained. My Aunt and Uncle had their 4 year old daughter with them and she had to see all of this.
My husband for obvious reasons isn't too fond of the actions of my step dad. He tried to be friendly with them (even after the horrible things they said about him), but he can't stand them and I can't say I blame him. Quite honestly, he does not want that around our child and neither do I.I told my mom this and told her she could come see her grandson as often as she wanted, but that he would not be allowed to go over there because of how unpredictable my stepdad is. She was hurt, of course, but respected my wishes. After some time she kept expressing how I needed to correct my relationship with my dad. A few weeks later, she showed up at my house and told me that he had been cheating on her. When my mom told the woman that my dad was still with her, the woman stopped talking to him. He told my mom that it was all her fault and that she ruined everything. He told her that if she just lost the weight, none of it would happen.. By this time I was beyond furious with him. She had me come over and make a collage of pictures for him with a sign that said "18 years, hope she was worth it." He left her with no money and I gave her 50 bucks to help her out. Then, she decided to forgive him and got so mad when I told her that I was mad at him. I don't like him. I love him because he raised my but I do NOT want that kind of behavior around my son. We got into a really big argument and I couldn't stop yelling. There are just so many emotions. My mom told me that she didn't know who I was anymore and she thought I was more like her and able to forgive but she forgot that I have my real father's blood running through my veins.. The same father that abandoned me. I couldn't believe she said that to me, I am just sick of seeing her treated like crap. I lost my grandparents to alcohol and do not want my son to be around it. She told me that that's how they live and I should just accept it because they will not change and they are my family. This all happened in May and I haven't talked to her since because of how hurt I was and still am.
Now I feel like I have lost everyone. I know its my decision not to talk to them, but I just am not ok with how they live. I miss them a lot, but I am so torn. There is always so much drama. They are not willing to change, they have told me so many times. My brother did say that they are all seeing a counselor now, which is great, but the problem is his drinking and I don't think he is willing to stop. Another big problem is that my husband really can't stand them now. He sees them as volatile, unstable, and a bad influence around my son, which is all true. But he hasn't been able to ever see there good side, which they do have. My mom and I were really close, I used to be able to tell her anything and I miss that. Now I feel like I made this decision and I feel like I'm stuck between my new family and my old family. I want to have a relationship with my mom, but I could really care less about having one with my stepdad. But I know she won't ever be happy with that. I love my family, but my son comes first. But after losing my grandpa, grandma, and my stepsister that I gained when I met my real father briefly, I feel like I'm losing more people. I just don't know what to do. I always feel some resentment towards my husband like he is the reason my parents aren't in my life, but he just wants what is best for his son. I don't know what to do or how to feel.
famwoman17 famwoman17
26-30, F
1 Response Dec 15, 2012

Ok that was a lot for anyone to go threw. I would stay away from your step dad AND your mom. Disown them. You said everyone has a good side. Yeah that's true even Hitler had a good side. But it doesn't make them good people or give them a right to do what they did to you. Stay away for son. Don't talk to them in anyway. They never treated you right and never will. Cut them and there drama out of your life.