Lonely Mom Going Insane

so 2011 my fiance and i had our first child. we were living with my parents at the time. things were pretty hectic. my mom and fiance do not get along at all. we ended up moving to michigan where he had a job waiting for him but didnt want to move me that far away from my family. i have always been very close to them. they had a huge disagreement and we ended up moving our tiny family to flint, michigan the very next day. this happened in december. it was the first year i spent my birthday and christmas with no friends or family. i just stayed locked in the house taking care of a 3 month old little girl with her daddys temper. in february his company started talking about sending him to texas, but it was just talk and we began running low on money, so he had my daughter and i move back to nc with my parents. a couple of weeks later he was sent to texas to work. things at the company in texas worked out a lot better. he makes much more money but works a lot of overtime. in april, he came to nc and moved us into some crappy apartment complex in arlington where his company is. i stayed home all day everyday taking care of the baby alone while he uses my car to go back and forth to work. we stayed in that apartment for a couple months until we found a nice house 30 minutes away from where he works. we have a truck that does not run sitting in our garage that he swears he is going to fix but has not touched yet. i still have no vehicle. well it is always in arlington. oh i forgot to mention that i am now 8 months pregnant with our son. he is still working a lot of overtime. last night he got home at 630. our daughter goes to bed at 7. he leaves for work around 430am. he expects a tidy house, a hot dinner, and a happy family when he gets home. when he gets home, he kisses us, takes his clothes off where ever he feels like, eats and falls asleep on the couch until i can wake him up enough to go to bed. he does not want me to get a job no matter how bad i want one or need one just for a place to go. he has admitted he hasnt fixed the truck because he doesnt want me to cheat on him. when we met he was married i was single we had an affair i slept with someone else as he was doing the same to his wife. i have always told myself if i ever had my own man i would be loyal and try to be the best wife i could be. i have not been with anyone else since he left his wife for me. he cheated on her the entire 13 years they were together. he has explained to me why he cheated and i dont want him to cheat on me so i have been trying my hardest to do everything i can to make him happy but he seems determined to be unhappy. i can never get anything right. he wants me to do all the shopping but i always get the wrong things and he throws a fit if he has to do shopping. here lately being as pregnant as i am and our daughter being her age 15 months now shopping is extremely difficult for me. everything is difficult. i wait for the weekend when he works less so he can watch our daughter and i will go shopping hoping i dont pee on myself and praying that he has the patience to deal with our daughter God forbid she starts fussing. he has never actually hit one of us but he has pushed her down pretty hard and the only time he ALMOST hit me was the day we found out we were having a girl. i grew up very sheltered with very nice parents. my dad yelled at me and my brother one time just to show us how scary other kids had it. my fiance grew up completely different being a punching bag for his dad, step dad, and bigger kids at school. he decided to learn martial arts so no one has ever made contact with his face no matter how hard they tried as he has been very well trained. he seems like the perfect man. he can fix nearly anything but works too many hours to do so. he says he worries about me going shopping by myself but refuses to do it himself unless i bribe him with something. when he is awake and happy he tells me how much he loves me and that he is working all these hours just for us. he tells me as often as he thinks about it how beautiful i am and how he cant wait to marry me. he used to buy me a rose everytime he went to a gas station but now he says he looks for one and there are none. i told him him i dont mind fake flowers as they never die but he wants to get me real ones. i know most men dont do things like that for their women which makes my decision so much harder. i need help with everything he expects me to do. i cannot do it all alone and the nearest people that will help without us paying them are in a different time zone. i know my life would be sooooooo much easier if i just moved back to nc with my parents but im afraid i will lose my fiance i already worry about him cheating on me but then again if he does then i can have help with the kids in nc but i wont get to kiss him when he comes home from work or cuddle up to him when he's asleep on the couch. i love him so much and really dont want to leave but for the last year i have been locked in the house with no car no friends or family to help with the kid and i feel like when our son gets here i will have no choice but to leave him as i will need help i cant just give the kids to grandma for a day not even when i have the flu like i did last week. i just have to suck it up and do what i can and hope he dont get mad cuz the house aint spotless or dinner isnt done. if there is anyone out there who has been where i am right now please let me know i am not alone and if you have any advice me i would love to hear it.
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 9, 2013