Broken Heart Times 3

I am 35 years old and met my fiance and her 2 beautiful children back in 2007. Our relationship has been a rocky one from the very beginning. I met her in a club and we seemed to hit it off quite well. After getting us some drinks at the bar, I returned to see her being dragged out by some angry guy and disappeared. I later found out that it was her so-called ex she was still living with. When questioned she said it had something to do with their daughter who was 6 at the time. I explained how it all seemed rather fishy and I wasn't willing to get involved until she had found her own place. A month later I bumped into her again and she had found her own apartment so we started seeing each other. I was in the habit of going out with friends a few times a week with friends and coworkers for drinks or wings, etc. Since I'd dated a few bartenders and witresses over the years, she would accuse me of hitting on them which was totally ridiculous. I was told by friends back then that only those who cheat themselves think that others are doing it too.
Sometime later her truck-driving brother and mother had a 2 bedroom apartment where a fellow truckdriver would occasionally spend the night when passing through town. She and her 2 kids would also spend the night but only when this "friend" was in town. Suddenly he lets her drive his new truck for the week too, which was strange because she is always terrified of driving my new truck. She told me she always spends the night @ her mom's place, but when this guy stopped staying there over 4 years ago, she hasn't spent the night since.
Another time she was having a girls night out and I was out with some of my friends. My friends suggested and I agreed to go to this club where her and her friends were. When I walked in she was laughing and giggling on the dance floor with some guy. She spotted me while coming off of the dance floor when he went to the bathroom and her facial expression displayed pure guilt. I asked who he was she said a friend from her work. When he returned from the washroom his expression showed pure confusion after she introduced me by my name, not as her boyfriend. I'm not stupid and asked him how work was. He had no idea what I was talking about so I left in disgust. She followed me out and I instructed her to never call me again. Well, she kept calling me until I gave in and took her back.
Then she was broken into and was a nervous wreck who didn't feel safe in her apartment, so I moved her and her kids into my 2 bedroom house for a while until she found a place in a secure building since my place was just too small.
At about the 3 year mark we had a fight and kind of seperated. I was devestated by losing her and her 2 wonderful children. I tried to get ahold of her to talk and exchange belongings, but she was never available. I did something I'm not proud of, but I logged into her facebook account less than 2 weeks since the split. I just had to know what the woman I stilled loved was upto. Well up popped a chat window which described in detail very intimate acts that her and a this guy had performed together like how she had given him the best oral sex he'd ever had and how she liked it when he licked the ice cream off of her breasts. My heart shattered. I couldn't even think of meeting someone new so soon. I confessed to what I'd done and she totally denied what she'd done and said i took it out of context. He's just a friend. Come on, is that how people make friends? I ended it completely and she went on the offensive sending me so many insulting texts and Emails, I had to change my phone number.
2 months later, I saw her drive by my baseball game and somehow an Email from her got through from her address which I had blocked. She wanted to know how I was and we met and she said all the right things and she cried and made me feel sorry for her and told me how her kids missed me and etc. Well, I took her back. I proposed to her the following November, and I bought a much larger fix-r-upper house for her which is now nearly finished and gorgeous. Her and the kids have it pretty good, but nothing ever seems to be appreciated. I devote all of my free time to her and the kids and spend every penny on the house or family activities.
Now she has a new smart phone which never leaves her hand, even when she takes a bath or tucks the kids in for bed. She's constantly texting somebody and always has a smile on her face while doing it. She can't answer their texts fast enough, but when I send her one, I'm lucky if I ever get a reply. She came home with a while spot on her shirt the other day and claims it was from work where she wears a uniform. She also is constantly chatting on facebook with some new guy friend from New York I've never heard her mention before. Suddenly she has this fascination with going to New York with her female friends too. I spend all of my time with her kids while she sits there with her phone in her hand and her laptop on her lap. When questioned what's going on she gets all defensive and makes me out to be the bad guy.
Sorry, this is so long winded, but I need some advice. I simply do not trust her. I've made so many sacrifices for her. My friends stop calling me and have always told me I was a fool for taking her back over and over again. I don't sleep around, I cook, I clean, I don't drink, gamble or use drugs, I've never layed a finger on her. I really don't get it. She doesn't cook or clean much, and we barely ever have sex anymore (like once a month... maybe). I make good money, bought this beautiful house and transformed it into a wonderful home. I love her kids to death and treat them like they're my own. I'm good looking and everyone says I'm such a nice and can do so much better. I still love her but just feel that there is no appreciation or mutual respect. It breaks my heart to think of her and the kids leaving. It's like I'm losing the 3 most important people in my life, not just one! Please help as my sanity hangs on by a single thread!!!
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 16, 2013

I think you deserve happiness in your life. I would suggest parting ways with her and finding a new person... at least try it out. You never know who you may find.

I was in a relationship that I had suffered a lot in. Found the courage after years of advice from friends to split with my significant other and I'm happier than before.

Try get away from the noise and go on a hike or park. Just sit there and think.

Best of luck to you and wishes. *hug*

Thank you so much. I fell like an idiot but I guess I was blinded by love. Listen to this...
I just came across some concrete evidence to support my suspicions. She's been having an online Romance with this new guy friend from New York for a while now! Even though they've never met in person they're already talking about getting married, moving into a house and having this perfect little family. ...the family I thought we currently had! ...And he's black!!! I have no problems with race at all, but she's told me for years that the idea of black and white skin together makes her sick to her stomach! How far back does this intricate web of lies go!!!

Of course she denies it to the ground, yet her friends and family already know about him. I have a hard time even looking her in the face after learning of her betrayal. I asked her to move out immediately, but she says she's going to take her time to find the right place for her and the kids. I will be actively seeking legal advice on Monday morning to get her out of my house and life as soon as possible. I feel so foolish for allowing my self to be so deceived.

I suggested we sit the kids down and tell them that things aren't working out between us and that they would be moving, but she pleaded with me to not tell them until right before they move. I said that kids aren't stupid and the have a right to know now. If they find out that we've been pretending that everything's just fine, they will be devastated.

When should I/we tell the kids?