Parents And Respect
I'm only 17 but I was googling for search results on "losing respect for parents" and then I stumbled upon this website. I feel that my parents don't behave like adults, or parents even. Yes I don't know anything about parenting but I completely disagree with my parents' approach to parenting. I find that I've lost respect for my parents over time, because they don't respect me. My father is very rude, and constantly tries to provoke him because he says "it's fun" for him. However when I say something back, or anything at all, he would say harsh things like "shut up" "get lost" "I'm going to break your face" of course these are just a few things. He has said far more hurtful things. I've told him that he's rude and I hate it because I feel disrespected as a woman, but he couldn't care less. As for my mother, she channels her stress on me. She's more harsh with the words she uses, she'd say things like, "why havent you done any work? who's balls were you holding?" and even more explicit stuff that make me cringe. We've never had a good relationship, she used to be abusive towards me when I was younger. I tell myself this only happened because she was going through depression. Over the years I've discovered that my parents aren't the perfect people I thought they were when I was seven. They have disappointed me repeatedly, and there's no love in this family. I feel obliged to respect and love my parents, because they brought me into this world. If I had a choice, and the required resources, I would leave in an instant. Daily this happens and I end up getting angry, hurt and frustrated. I just retreat to my room and cry. I have thought about self harm and suicide but thankfully I've never acted out on it. My parents have only given me material goods and have supported me financially but have never believed in me. They never appreciate anything I do, nor do they believe in me. Never have they been proud of anything that I have worked hard to accomplish. I have always felt pressured to make my parents proud, but they have never been proud of me. However things are different with my younger brother, They are gender biased, probably because we are from a traditional family, but they will never admit it. It sucks to be neglected and Sometimes I feel like the problem lies in me but I'm unsure. I think I may have lost all respect I have for my parents, but I feel guilty about it. I have thought about moving out, but where I live, because I am still young, it's not socially accepted. I feel like I've failed as a daughter and it's just my fault, but I'm not sure. I'm afraid that this is how things will be with my family because I find it really hard to tell myself to "suck it up" every single night and move on. thinking of people who have far more worse problems than me helps me stop feeling so bad about my situation but I don't want to pent up my frustrations, my parents are getting old and I'm growing older, I don't believe that my relationship with them will improve or change, but I do hope I manage to find the strength to keep going and that hopefully, one day I come to love my parents again.