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Interracial Love

The other night I asked my dad if I could go to the movies with a guy friend, him being my boyfriend of two weeks, I wanted my dad to meet him. I told my father he was black and he hasn't spoke to me since. I didn't get to go to the movies either. I don't know if I should just continue in my relationship with this guy or put it on pause until my dad speaks to me about it. I didn't think he would react in such a manner but clearly he doesn't like it. Anyone else had the same experience or can give me some advice about it??
hollyolly02 hollyolly02 16-17, F 23 Responses Feb 10, 2013

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Every relationship I have ever been in has be interracial and my father never liked it either. I learned to do what makes me happy and in the end if my father really loved me and wanted to be in my life he would eventually come around. You have to be happy regardless of what anybody else thinks. If he treats you well and you enjoy his company then I say continue it. Even though you may not be able to see each other as much as you want due to your father's rules if it is meant to be you will find a way. Just be safe, be honest, be happy and live your life on your terms. Soon you'll be old enough to do as you please and be able to live without the scrutiny of your parents.

i'm going to be as honest as possible. you need to decide what's best for you. if you really like this guy, keep dating him. if your dad never comes around, you need to be able to accept that too. i have a biracial friend. her dad's family is white and they were completely against it. she has never met nor does she intend to meet that side of her family. that's a worst case scenario. i'm in an interracial relationship, but both of our parents have no problem with it because they know that skin color does not determine whether a person will be a good partner. you're young and you may be in a situation in which you'll have to choose. let's hope otherwise. other than that, try to appeal to your dad. help him understand his own prejudice.

Dad will ajust. If you enjoy the guy go for it!

I cannot say that I have ever been is a situation like that but if you love him then there is nothing your father can do about it, I would suggest that you talk to your boyfriend about it and decide what is best together.

get married to him and ask your dad to buy you two alot of gifts your dad sounds like a piece of $hit

I am just surprised that you were surprised. Lots of the older folks of all races don't believe in romantic mixing, and it does have its problems. I hear a lot more talk about tolerance and acceptance but I still do not see that much mixing of black and white. It is harder, and he has undoubtably seen much more than you have, so. Also, you are a child and it is up to the parent to make the rules, so. I wonder if there is a bit more to this sotry, perhaps because it looks like you are sticking your tongue out in your avi, I don't know, lol. It seems to me that a parent's racial beliefs are something their children would be well aware of, is my point. So, just wondering if any of the appeal with this guy is annoying the old man, by any chance?

Haha, go to Brazil...or Europe, or Africa (aside from South Africa where there's still much racial tension) there's way more mixing there! Cape Verde is pretty much a mix of everything, so are the french Islands. In the oh so multicultural America ironically there isn't much! I think it's the jim crow laws though. I've been approached by so many white men, who were NOT from America! That jim crow law was pretty deep into the American culture.

My dad is like that too but I'm black. I told him that if I had a japanese boyfriend I'd bring him home anyway because I am not bringing him for approval.
I am simply showing him who I'm with so if we have kids he'll know who else is in charge of them... I really couldn't care less about my father's opinion on the race of my boyfriend and I've told him that upfront already. If he has any problems on his behavior then I will listen but if it's race or social status I don't want to hear it. (I'm 21 but my current boyfriend is black as well so it is not a problem).

just think n then make a strong nd final decision.
Becouse your love is your life nd your father is much importent then every thing of world.
Gud luck.

I had a half black baby when I was 19. I'm white. I'm gonna be honest with you..... I used to love black dudes to and think they were so "cool" until I learned what the majority of them are about. Now, I strongly disagree with interracial dating and reproducing. Someday, I swear, you'll feel the same way too.

I respect your feelings but do keep in mind that of all the black men in the world you've probably dated a small segment. For example, african men and african american men have a very different culture. Or black latinos (Ironically, there are more black men in south america than the US but they get ignored). Then there are black men from the french Islands (Martinique for example) who are closer to a European mindset.

Also, you were 19 : / and experimenting with men. There's nothing wrong with that but I know plenty of white black couples in my country of origin who are very happy. I have mixed cousins and most are fine but I do know people who got divorced within a year because of cultural differences.
Of course, not all interracial marriages are a walk in the park and some children get confused or rejected by both sides so it does have its downsides.

Tell him you're pregnant with a lil niglet.
Take pics, post results, yadayadayada

When You can describe your boyfriend of two weeks in any other way besides; "He acts black" then maybe you will be ready for an interacial relationship.. as far as your Dad goes, ask him what is issues are. No father or mother wants to see their daughter with a "getto" thug ( as you described) no matter if their white, black, or green..

Excuse me but I couldn't help noticing that you are way off when replying to this girls post. I re-read it several times because of your comment and she NEVER referred to her love interest as, "acting black." Nor did she even use the word, "ghetto." Obviously her family has a problem with her dating outside her race but at no time did she exhibit racism. I hope that once her family sees how happy her boyfriend is making her, they will become more open-minded and accept the relationship.

She does on a response down below use Ghetto and acting black

Clearly your father is in the wrong, very few people disagree about that, but I very much think that there's not enough information in this story to give you concrete advice on. But to put my two cents in, I think you need to really evaluate if your love for equality and feelings for this boy are worth the trouble with your dad. They very well may be, I would not let that stop me. But a bridge burned with a father is a terrible thing... Good luck.

Discusted if the colour of someones skin is the problem, if your dad has other resivations re- your too young etc... fair enough, but race naaah not cool in my book.

Some people are still moved by skin color. It is not something I understand, but it is something that is very important to those people. I am afraid as long as you live in his home you are going to have to forgo the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.
When you live on your own it will be your choice to go against his wishes. He is not likely to change dear. I know this is not what you want to hear, I realize you want his support. Do you realize as unreasonable as he seems to you that he wants your support in this exactly the same way? I know it bites.
I wish you the best sweetie. Don't change your view that skin color does not make the person. Do be mindful of your fathers feelings. You live by his rules, and I know you love him.

It may be wrong for your dad to do that but until your 18 you are his responsibility. Either you can work it out with him and compromise, for example perhaps you could invite your b/f over for a family dinner or something. But Unless you move out or turn 18 your dads rules are it.

I know... but I wish that he would realize that I'm happy and try not to ruin it??

I don't think the colour of someones skin should have any effect on whether or not they are worthy to date. If this is your Dads reason for not approving then I don't feel like he has any say in the matter. If he is just generally worried about you having a boyfriend then fair enough. But even there everyone has to be left to make their own decisions and mistakes. So long as u are sensible and mature about it, go for it. Show your dad you can handle it and its not all bad and he should come round.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!

Nope, when you are a minor and the parents pay the bills, he has all the say in all the matters, Calypso. That's the way it is.

He may have a say as a parent, but when someone is clearly in the wrong, Racism definitely being wrong, they need to be shown what is right. Whether it be by their children, friends or whoever. Anyone has the right to stand up for what they believe in. In a respectful way of course.

Nope, the parents make the rules. It's not a question.

Well your kids are going to find it very difficult to talk open and honestly with you if that is the way you run things. It wont stop them from doing what they want and believe, it just means that they will do it behind your back and rebel. Id much rather my kids tell me when they thing something is wrong and be able to talk to me than to do it behind my back. As I said so long as it is done in a respectful way

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Not involved in a bi-racial affair, but know of several friends/relatives who have engaged in them. One concern is the social acceptance of the relationship. BOTH communities do not like such arrangements and HE is considered a traitor to women in his community. YOU will not be accepted in his community and HE will be shunned in yours. Also, your father may be racist, or he may just be genuinely worried about your welfare. Is this your first boyfriend? Your father may not want to see his little girl growing up. Corny, I know but dads don't want to see their little girls grow up. Is he some hoodrat, ex-con gansta or is he someone with whom you would be proud to show off to your friends and family members?

He's kinda in the middle, not a gangster or a hoodrat, but yeah he's ghetto at times. He's really smart and I enjoy being around him. He's my second boyfriend. His parents accept me as white but my dad won't accept him, well at least he hasn't said he will.

You have been dating him for two weeks and he occasionally does the ghetto thing? Yeah, you are a single mother in waiting, or facing a potential drug-related arrest in your future. Better grow out of the bad-boy-gansta type phase quickly. I am not saying switch to only white guys, but switch to employable men (of any race). Sorry for the straight talk from a stranger. Just something to consider, no offense.

He's not like that though... He's really loyal. I mean he acts black, he doesn't act like a prep or anything but he's good in the heart.

I like your honesty. When we start a relationship, even if you are as old as a friend of mine who is in her 50's, we tend to see the relationship through rose-colored glasses. Please keep in touch and write again next month and once again after you have been dating for three months. Look for how he treats you in public and private, how much money he spends on you, and his future education plans. Run away fast if he is a wannabe rapper, producer, drug dealer, hustler, etc. You deserve to be treated like the princess your father sees you. Nothing less is worth your time.

Thanks!!

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Find yourself a boyfriend of who your dad approves.

but I don't wanna

Then deal with the consequences.

I think you should put it on hold for now. Wait until you can talk to your dad. Ignoring him and going behind his back will make things even worse. Try to talk to him. If he won't listen, then wait until he can't stop you. Good luck!

Yeah, I know that since I live under his roof I have to do as told but if I'm depressed all the time won't that make him rethink it? Maybe?

Sure, but fathers are stupid. Talk it out with him . Hemightlisten if you're mature about it :)

I know, I tried to be mature by telling him but he won't even speak to me...

Let him cool down a bit and be as good as you can to your dad, then talk it over once he's simmered down

idk

Do whatever you want, girlie. I've said my piece! :)

No sweetheart. Your father is treating you like a child because you are still a child. It's hard to grasp when you are young because you think to yourself,"I'm not a little kid. I've experienced so much etc." BUT.... Remember way way way back to the 5th grade? Do you remember your friends, your favorite things, what the most important things in your life were? Really take a minute and walk down memory lane here. Ok now I want you to remember the 6th grade (middle school). Can you remember how much you changed from the 5th grade to the 6th? Now what about the 6th to the 7th? Now think about how much you changed every year. Remember that no matter how much you think you know or feel (holy crap really listen to this part about the feel) you aren't done yet my dear. You aren't done growing and maturing. Don't try to force it either. It comes with time and life experience. It can't be imitated or rushed, it happens the way life happens which is to say unexpectedly. Especially remember the part I said about when you KNOW you feel something. Remember when you "knew" you were going to grow up and be a princess? It's the same with boys ok? I promise you! Don't get too serious. Because what was so cool in the 6th grade was super freakin' lame in the 7th grade. That won't change for many years. I'm a 24 year old woman and I had a lot of adult experiences as a teenager. Yes when I say adult I mean everything bad. Alcohol, marajuana, sex, multiple expulsions from school, depression, driving my parents absolutely insane. I did a lot of things and I always thought I "knew what I was doing" for much of it. I didn't have a clue as in what I was truly doing to myself. Think this over, you are young and you are going to have boyfriends. But please be careful with how serious these relationships get. Don't try to spend every waking moment with your boyfriend, he's not the most important thing in the world. It's ok for him to make the top ten list but that's it ok? :) no matter what we say you still have to make that choice but we are all just trying to help you make the best choice. Even if what I said about boys doesn't sound like you please don't disregard it. In the next few months or year it might sound like you or perhaps a close friend who you are concerned about. Good luck sweetheart. Have fun but also Make sure that you are first and foremost making good choices!

Bravo!

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Hhmmm.........

Ask your step mum what he has said? and if he is against it just ask him why, you're gunna have to confront him and try to make him talk

You need to speak to him and try and find out what his problem is, if he won't speak to you maybe ask someone else to speak to him for you and see what he says and then go from there. Hope that helps a bit

He tells my step mom what he thinks, but won't speak to me.. Seems immature to me.

Your dad is being protective over you, you are and always will be his little girl. He might also be being a bit racist, or maybe he is worried about you being bullied for dating a coloured guy. You need to talk to your dad calmly and ask him what his concerns are. good luck :)

He won't eat dinner as a family anymore. And I honestly don't care what people think. He's the only opinion I wanted on this and he won't even speak to me.

I think his silence is all the opinion you need, he obviously is opposed to the relationship.

Bleh

I'm sorry that the boy you like is causing friction in your family. I know this is difficult for you and it is making you angry. Just because somebody is an adult doesn't mean they are going to make the best decisions. The funny thing is that if a person overreacts its really easy to brush off what they're saying. Even if what they are saying is right... When you overreact nobody wants to listen. But when he does finally talk, try to let go of that anger and really listen to what he says ok? It might be something you didn't expect or something you don't understand yet. Try and be patient. Even if he's wrong he is still your dad.

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