I Really Need Advice About This Guy...

I've written about him before, but not gotten much response.  What I want to know is, should I be blunt and just say that I have a personal question to ask him?  I need to know if our relationship 9 years ago meant anything to him because sometimes he acts like it does, and sometimes he doesn't.  Should I also be so blunt as to tell him that I was in love with him back then and haven't gotten over him?  He's got a girlfriend now, blah blah blah...  I need to know the answers to these questions. 

Licorice Licorice
31-35, F
40 Responses Sep 2, 2007

the best thing is always to be honest, i think you should just ask him straight up

I think it would benefit yourself my letting him know your feelings. You will also hopefully get answers to your questions although you must be prepared also for any disappointment from the outcome as he now has a partner. Better i suppose to make your feelings known than to remain silent and not do anything.

I guess it depends on why you want to know! Is it to rekindle a relationship? Is it for peace of mind?
If its for rekindling then I'm not sure it's going to be a happy experience because after all it ended and he has moved on.
Personally I hope you have moved on too and are just curious but I suspect you never really got over it ending??
Whatever you do I hope it goes ok for you.

Thank you Licorice for the question and thank you all for sharing. There has been someone in my own life I've been getting mixed signals from and I know now to leave it alone. I have learned this lesson many times over, but sometimes it does get confusing and muddled in the heart and mind.

I've been in the same place you are right now and it ended up so badly. I advise you to never tell him anything like I did; In the end, I lost my self esteem and my pride was crushed. I'm promising you that you're going to regret it, mostly because he already got someone in his life.
ps: if a guy likes a girl, he would do anything to have her. so if he's just NOT doing anything, well he's not interested

I think u need to just move on he did he has a girlfriend & I think if u tell him u haven't moved on he will take advantage of that & try to use u just for sex..i'm being real with u don't do it

To be honest, it sounds like you're living in the past! I know it sounds horrible to hear but he's obviously moved on and it's probably best if you do the same!

If you have to ask him you prolly don't want to know the answer.... Your an attractive women enjoy the memories and do your best to let go and move on.

No, try to move on because if he felt the same way then he would have contacted you. It sounds like he broke up first and that is why you want him back...because he doesn't want you. Happens to all of us at one point or another. You're young and pretty, put yourself out there, be smart about the guys who want into your life and your life will change for the better.

We all have experienced this at least once in our lives. Tell him how you feel! Express yourself! If he doesn't feel the same way, move on! There are plenty of fish in the sea. :)

why waste your time wondering and worrying about some loser who you are over. You need to move forward with your life and not look back. My advice to you is to MOVE ON. If this guy was so into you, then you would be in his life right now. He has a girlfriend. Move on.

Oh sweetie! It just hurts all the time - doesn't it!
Sit down and talk to him once. Tell him calmly and politely that you're finding it difficult to move on and that you still have feelings for him And that you're wondering if he feels the same way.
If he says yes, explore how you would want to take this forward - he needs to break up with his girlfriend and start getting to know you better again and then get into a relationship with you.
If he says no - thank him and walk away. And get on with your life one day at a time.
And if he says maybe/ he's confused - get up and run away as fast as you can because the man wants to 'have his cake and eat it too'. He will end up toying with your affections while staying committed to his girlfriend. You will end up wishing and waiting and hoping in vain that he'll come back to you - which he won't. And you'll waste the best years of your life being a literal wallflower while he'll be living his life center-stage.

Ask him straight out what the relationship meant to him and also tell him exactly how you feel because at the end of the day, he should know whether he cares or not and it'll make you feel better to have gotten it off your chest.

I think you should ask him, because later in life you are going to ask yourself "what if he was the ONE" or "what would of happen if i asked him". You never know maybe he still feels the same way you do.

you certsainly need to talk to him...i have lived my love life wondering if the love of my life even remembered. early last year...i got my answer...but now i am 58 years on and its tooooo late...

I am sorry to hear that i no how much it can hurt to be without some one you care about! You do deserve an answer! But he is with someone else so i don't think it 's fair to risk hurting her as she is innocent and does not deserve it!

You should ask him and tell him how you feel, but don't expect anything amazing to happen and don't expect something horrible to happen so what ever his reaction is you will be prepared. Good luck :)

Ask him. Its the only way u'll find out what have u got to loose? If u ask him then he'll let you know whar he thinks. And if u dnt u'll spend all ur life wondering..

Tell him exactly how you feel. Don't let anyone get in your way. Look, now I'm in the same situation. My ex dumped me and he calls it letting me go.... I see it as dumping me on my *** after all the times I've waited for him to get back from his business trips.
I was going to be homeless and had a small crush. We now live together, I still don't have a job. Everything is getting more and more screwed up.. To top it off now my ex tells me he thought he was getting in my way and he loves me. Wishes he never let me go and fought for our love. What am I to do? You know... Just when things were looking up I realized I was looking into a mirror. I am so sad now I can't help but cry all the time. I wish he told me the truth before it was to late. I feel so unhappy now because I am so torn and trapped. I am very hurt, it just gets better after time passes.

I think you should tell him how you feel, but remember he may get upset because of the relationship he's in. You need to let him respond the way he needs to. Life's too short, if you don't tell him, he may never know.

I think it's better to tell him and put it all out there. It will give you closure and who knows...maybe he feels the same way. If he doesn't have the guts to tell you, you need to tell him. And if he doesn't feel the same way, well at least you tried. Nothing easy is worth receiving.

Yes, of course. The best kind of relationship is an honest relationship. What's the worst he could say since you're over him.

Licorice you already know this answer. If you didn't you would not be asking permission to do the wrong thing. You had your shot, you let it go. You should've acted 9 years ago. Let his new girl have her shot without someone backdooring her.

Ask him! who knows what will happen...it could be a second chance. If he doesn't want to work things out or give it another shot, you can walk away knowing you tried with no regrets. You will know that you tried to make it work and you will know that its time to move on and not dwell over it anymore!

maybe if you tell him he might realize how much he still misses you . maybe he loves you but dont have the guts to ask you what you thought about the breakup . maybe hes wanting you to say something first . maybe he doesnt know what he wants and what hes missing out on ? hope this helped .

Go for it!! Just tell him And if he doesnt think ur good enough well then hes a stupid moron!! Plus it was nine years ago and ur still there yall are still conecting together so just talk to him!!

Ask him! Who knows there would be a second chance for the two of you, don't let that slip away.

I. Think that if u ask they guy will feel that he has you under control don't ask and if you do make it in a way that he think that you don't care bc guy are mean they like feeling that they have things under control but u know how he is there guy nice and guy mean jerks u know hem better then me and what your will always be remember that don't stress out bc if his your he will come back I'm in the same situation I understand you

I. Think that if u ask they guy will feel that he has you under control don't ask and if you do make it in a way that he think that you don't care bc guy are mean they like feeling that they have things under control but u know how he is there guy nice and guy mean jerks u know hem better then me and what your will always be remember that don't stress out bc if his your he will come back I'm in the same situation I understand you

I'm not being funny but u remind me of Rachel from friends when Ross marries Emily lol I think u should talk to him but if he's in love already then maybe just let it go...u don't want to ruin his relationship :)

What's the worst that could happen if you ask? I think it would be a good idea for you to ask him. This way you wont always have to wonder what his thoughts were.

Yes, yes, yes Tell him if you'll be happier. From my life experience I want to express to you that in life you must try to live in the present and try not to ever look back, looking ahead will always make you stronger and as you repeat this lesson it will get easier. This guy wants awareness and he's getting loads of it to you, it makes him feel powerful with respect to his ego. If you exercise this lesson things will get much brighter then they are now.Ego is a big factor with folks, some do awful things to build it.Be brave, dear!

In all honesty you already know the answers to your questions.

If your feelings are still there...from 9 years, then I feel you should just be blunt about it. Otherwise, you'll have it all bottled up inside. Also, asking will help you get past it and move on...if, of course, that's what you want to do.

I know 9 years is long time but there is a reason why you are appart find someone else and start loving again :)

9 years seems like a long time to hold on to something. Have you dated other people? sometimes things are better left undone.. for whatever reason it didn't work the first time. so it might not the second time

this will probably sound cruel, but Im currently back with a guy who I could never get over, if you read my other stories, one called confused and confounded, you'll see how it's going, I would suggest getting an answer, to answer your own curiosity, but never expecting to get back together with the guy, for it makes a strange situation, and they take it for granted that because you loved them forever, they can essentially do whatever they want. So if you're wanting more than just an answer from this guy, be careful.

Why wouldnt you?

I asked him and he said he had feelings for me a long time ago, and left it at that.

i think you should ask him...at the end of the day its the easiest and best way to get the answers. <br />
<br />
i don't see why you shouldnt ask him to be honest <br />
<br />