On A Weird Situation

It all started when at the behest of a coworker and associate of my husbands wife suggested we help them and they help us (we were renovating a house that belongs to my family) by moving in and sharing bills, and I baby sit and cook for them. Within a week my husband and the friends wife told us both that they "fell in love" and wanted to get married, and needed to divorce us. Let me put this bluntly, I had been horridly depressed with my husband, hadn't been happy in a long time, the guy was a jerk, he was always calling me names and treated me like dirt, but at the time I thought it was what I deserved and I got upset about him asking for a divorce, as did the coworker of my husband (we still believe this situation didn't start when we moved in, since he according to him just knew the co worker not his wife before three weeks before) 

Of course the co worker and I spent allot of time talking and seeking each other for comfort, we were both extremely hurt by the situation, despite us now realizing we were both in unhealthy relationships. So our spouses took us for a couple, given the assumption of loving your spouse one would figure they would support the situation (which they did, but not out of love) instead the employed one of us got extortion attempts, and we were blamed on the divorces. See my husband had this account, I had no access to, as I was a stupid, ignorant twit who couldn't handle money and could never survive on her own, that was insanely over drawn, first deal he said since you get my wife I need half the fees of this 1500 overdrawn bank account since its "half her debt" and due to some really bizarre math, the sum the co worker owed came up to 1040, he felt guilty for our part of the situation so he paid. Next deal they attempted to ask for 10k of his 401k to pay off my husbands loans off his 401k to get married because the co worker had less debt on it and could afford more to pay for "our wedding". He refused, we had no intentions of marrying, neither of us wanted a rebound relationship. 

We both moved out of the house we were living in, it was the co workers home but his wife demanded it in the divorce because it was bigger and prettier then the other house he owned. (Mind you still financed in his name, and my husband couldn't even keep up with the land taxes on my families land I found out, that and the power bill which just happened to still be in my moms name from when we moved in was 2 months behind.) But I find myself thinking constantly about the co worker now, him and I had so much in common other then we both married psychopaths, I don't know if he feels the same, I know we briefly had a thing going but we were both hurt, weak and not exactly sober. But I don't know if or how we could ever have a relationship with our ex spouses behaving like they do. I adore him so much, but I am terrified of how those two behave, between gold digging and sheer psychotic behavior (these two shot my kids dogs because they were pissed off at my mom) 

Should I risk telling him how I feel or should I keep it a secret to protect us both, or is it even really love, I've not felt love in so long I wouldn't know. 

vampyres32 vampyres32
31-35, F
6 Responses Feb 13, 2010

hollycanhelp@webs.com<br />
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we can give advice on anything! email us at hollycanhelp@hotmail.co.uk

That's great!

thanks for all the advice, the guy and I have decided to stay friends, but keep relationship building till we are both sure its what we want. I decided to talk to him, and he felt the same on both counts. Adores me but hes not sure if its right. I don't think its right to walk away from him I would lose a good friend and hes to nice of a person to just bail on.

I don't suppose they'd have to know about your communication with him, would they?<br />
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Or I would simply give it some time, enough for everyone else to cool down and get other priorities/things on their minds. Then if you still long to see what may happen, give it a go; just meet up to hang out or something. Until i would just suggest focusing on yourself for a bit, focus on making yourself happy. <br />
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I think it sounds like you are still seeking to fill a void, and since he seems to be the one who completely understands what you are going through, he would be your obvious selection. He provides you comfort. However I agree with lily, you need to grow strong in yourself again before you can successfully embark in a new relationship. It will be hard, but know that with challenges come the best rewards! This is a terrible thing you have gone through, and I might even recommend seeing a counselor...seeking someone outside of this tangled web to talk to and better put your thoughts and feelings into perspective. I wish you all the luck in the world!

If I may say it appears to me you need to separate yourself from your husband as well any all dealings with these people. No matter how much you feel for the co worker. Do it for yourself. Good luck to you.