He Won't Leave My Life...or Maybe I Don't Want Him To?

My ex and I dated for a few months tops. Then he broke up with me due to me having too big of feelings and him not being ready. 4 years later..I am married and he is engaged. I am really happy where I am at. and I would think that he is to. It just seems that we never completely cut off contact. We contacted eachother a few months ago for a while then he ended the contact for whatever reason. Recently, HE contacted me again and here we are again writing eachother back and forth. we have always had a connection him and I both know that. I just don't understand why we still talk. Why he continues to break off contact with me and then contact me once again. I would love advice from a male..a guy's point of view of my situation. but I need all the advice from anyone. thanks!

HELP!

amity amity
22-25, F
3 Responses May 19, 2007

Well...This one's kinda weird. If I were in his shoes I'd have realized how much we connected to begin with. He probably didn't know what he'd lost till it was too late The writing and abrupt stopping may be his way of trying to keep a form of control over you. Most guys will do that if they think they have a shot with you. Best thing to do would be to stop replying to his letters/emails. You're (assumingly) happily married, and old flames need to die out so you can stay happy. He has a fiance. Remind him of that whenever he contacts you. Living in the past is fun at times, but you both have great futures ahead of you. Don't let memories control your life.

I have the same problem with my ex. Except my ex is perfect for me in every way, but I don't want to leave my husband for someone who might end it like before. He says he's been chasing me for 5 years (we broke up 5 years ago) and I do love him. And he is a better choice than my husband. But I just can't leave either one of them. I'm not sleeping with my ex or anything like that. I feel so guilty even talking to him. But I don't want to lose him again. I tried to stop all contact with him, but find myself texting him just to see how is is. I wish I could help you, but the least I can say is that your not alone.

You have a husband. You have a man who loved you enough to not just date you but love you for life. The other guy left you and realized his mistake too late. It's not gonna be fun or easy but you'll have to choose: Risk losing them both, since you and Mr. Perfect did end up breaking up. Or stay with the guy who loved you enough to agree to stay with you through it all.

Definitely a control issue with him. He doesn't really want you but doesn't want anyone else to want you either. Bad news! Drops him asap!