Like Breathing

my marriage has failed, and one of the many reasons is the lack of affection and intimacy.

my husband has chastised me for demanding affection. he says it can't be demanded. i have been guiltridden because i've considered that maybe i shouldn't have asked for affection, maybe i should have taken what he gave as enough.

but what he gave wasn't enough.

yesterday, i was talking to a friend about this. she runs a daycare in her home. as we were talking, i was watching the three year olds run around her backyard, laughing and playing. then, one little girl ran up to my friend and said, 'i need a kiss and a hug!'

the nearest little boy dropped his ball and said, 'me too!' and laughingly, my friend pecked their cheeks and hugged them and they went back to their game.

i realized, it's definitely okay to ask for this type of love. how sad that my husband wasn't willing. how hopeful i am that someone will be.

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6 Responses Mar 21, 2009


just went through separation 4 months ago, now i am craving to be kissed and touched and shown affection. what do i do?

Love and affection is as needed as air and water I feel. There are several things that can make someone less receptive or willing to express these things (depression, abused past, etc), but it is perfectly healthy and normal to want and need affection. Not feeling loved or wanted while in a relationship is so hard on your self worth.

I think touch is one of those things that really run deep people and people have many different associations with different types of touch. i.e ask any massage therapist if they've had a client confuse normal touch for sexual touch.<br />
I don't know either of your backgrounds and you don't have to tell me, but some people have abusive pasts and do not want to be touched at all. On the other side of the coin some have a past of neglect and are touch deprived. Or both in some cases. <br />
I've found both situations in my experiences and have had relationships where one of us is always more open to affection than the other in small ways. It's always such a toss up. I'm sorry things were mismatched. You certainly deserve to have your needs met and I hope you find someone else with whom you match more closely.

We all need to be loved in one way or another, and I'd be willing to bet your husband will regret not loving you when you needed it most for the rest of his life. <br />
Im really sorry.

[hugs] it is only human to want affection - to feel loved and to be loved. Men and women do show affection and display affection in different ways. I learned this from my therapist after my marriage failed. My hubby tried to show affection - but I never saw it. <br />
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You'll find what you are looking for - don't give up =]