Verge Of Spiraling

I need some comfort right now and it's hard not to go looking in the fridge or cupboard for some comfort food.  I just want to be held and part of me just wants to cry.  I don't know why I get so emotional like this but I know that I hate it.  I couldn't even tell you what set me off tonight to feel like this.  Nothing bad happened today, nothing was traumatic.  I just hurt so bad and am dying to be comforted and know that I am going to be okay.  Maybe it's because I left my abusive husband a month ago, maybe it's because I'm on an emotional rollercoaster with the highest highs and lowest lows.  Yes, I may need therapy, but when I have talked to therapists in the past they always tell me "Well you've been through a lot and it is understandable why you feel the way you do.  Most people don't go through this many things"  Cut the crap- life is hard.  Everyone has a story.  The point is I'm not doing so well and I am one big emotional mess.  First my parents divorced, then I was in an abusive marriage, then I miscarried, then I got diagnosed with conversion disorder, then I got into another abusive marriage and it's only been a month.  The problem is it's hell going through my head and my heart and it's too much for me to handle and function "normally."  But what can I do about it?  Seek comfort.  But what happens when that doesn't work?  What happens when there's nothing or no one around or available to comfort me?  Where am I supposed to get that comfort from?  How am I supposed to cope and deal?  I don't know how to anymore.  I'm going on and I will keep going on, suicide is not something I am considering. But I can only imagine what tail spin I'm on the verge of right now because while in some ways life is getting better, in a lot of ways my head and my heart is not.  I am on the verge of a tail spin spiraling out of control that could be fatal if it does not get better.  It's headed towards being way too much and I have no idea how to handle it.  I have no idea what I can do to prevent it.  I'm looking for work, but not finding it.  Trying to get back to myself, but I don't even know what that means anymore.  Trying to relax, but relaxing means I have more time to think and that is never good.  Have fun?  No, I don't have the luxury to give myself some fun time.  Too many things to do, too much of my life I need to fix.  So tonight, I'll sink down into bed and probably cry myself to sleep because I'm on the verge of spiraling and no way to stop it.  I've been through the spiral before, and let me tell you it sucks and it's hard to climb out of.  And I don't know if I have the strength to climb out again if it gets there.

awakening87 awakening87
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 26, 2010

I'm glad you are doing Yoga - - it is a great way to get your self centered. Keep it up. Glad to hear you are doing better. <br />
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One technique I use when I''m overwhelmed with things to do is get a set of index cards (or cut up sheets of paper) and write down all the different things on my mind - - then I can sort the items in to piles - - (sometimes its is by now and later - - sometimes by how to do it - - at the computer - house work - - Road trips) But then I can pick up one card and give my full attention to the task at hand. Just doing this sort of brain dump can be very liberating. It always amazes me how little it is once I have written it down. Seemed like a lot going round and round in my brain. <br />
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You can't change the past, only the present and the future. <br />
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Philippians 4:6 (New International Version)<br />
6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Thank you so much, your encouraging words helped me very much. Instead of doing the meditation you suggested, your suggestion reminded me that I have not done yoga in awhile and I tried that and it helped too. I am believing God for peace and comfort and doing my best to keep in mind that he does not put more on us then we can handle through the strength he gives us. :)

Lets try this - - remember at the core of your being - - you are love - - put some soft music on and lay on your back for about 2 minutes and just try only to think about the present moment - - not the past - - not the future - - just now. Raise up a hand and marvel that you have fingers that work. Listen to what you hear and marvel that you have ears. Get your self fully present in the now. Smile even if you don't feel like it. Say out loud 10 times - - even if it makes you laugh - - I LIKE MYSELF, I LIKE MYSELF. <br />
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You are a wonderful child of the universe, no less than than the trees and the stars - - you have a right to be here. <br />
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Be grateful for the good things in your life - - like this message board - - that someone can reach out and tell you - - God Loves you - - and so do I. <br />
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You are worthy of his love, my love, you are in fact loveable. Since you have a computer I would also suggest you look at http://www.greatday.com/ it is a wonderful site for inspiration. You can get your life going in a good solid direction - - we had a recovering alcholic live with us for the first 5 months of his recovery - - now he is working as an IT tech for Dell. I saw my brother return to our parents home a broken man barely speaking above a wisper - - he is now a full time fire fighter and has 5 adopted kids. Take one day at a time. The AA prayer might help you. God (or the universe if you don't belive in god) Help me to accept the things I cannot change, change the <br />
things I can and have the wisdom to know the difference. <br />
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I can tell from how you write that you are an intellegent young lady.