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Is There Such A Thing?

It's amazing as I read through the stories here just how much we all resonate with one another. It is difficult to share how I feel without repeating what many of you have already said. My husband has pretty much been my best friend for the last 25 years, but something has always been missing. I have finally come to realize just what it is. It's the emotional intimacy. Sure, we enjoy each others company, we have lots in common, we enjoy watching sports together, and being around friends. But when it comes to being as one, to sharing anything personal from the heart, when it comes to telling him how I feel emotionally and mentally, and why my heart feels so heavy, I just can't get the message through. He's not listening. It goes in one ear and out the other. When I try to bring it up, well, it's not his fault, it's just me. So, here I am, left with no one I can talk to on that level. Hence, the pen and pad. Hence, EP. People keep telling me I should talk to him. Well, I've tried until I'm blue in the face. I've given up. Sure, we'll continue having fun and laughing together, but when it comes to emotional intimacy, either I'm on my own, or I have to find it elsewhere.
silentwriter180 silentwriter180 41-45, F 9 Responses Apr 30, 2012

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I was in the same boat and had to find it elsewhere. I have found material things are so unimportant when it comes to emotional intimacy. He is much younger than I am and both are married, no children, but we have what so many couples don't. I wouldn't advise anyone to step out of marriage to find what we have but after trying to talk to a husband for 29 yrs and he doesn't listen nor was he willing to go to counseling because he said we did not need therapy . So if he wants this marriage for appearances only, as the same with my emotional love so be it. We will be seeing each other 7 years in December. It works for us. Without emotional intimacy for both the woman and man a marriage is like baking a cake and leaving out the main ingredient. All that you have is a cake you can't eat!

I know exactly what you mean !! I'm in the same boat ! Your with someone, but feel alone......

most men do not understand intimacy it is simply because most men have never matured in such a way to feel and understand what is felt it is not always our fault but our role as kill meat drag home for wife to cook has changed and not many men have changed with it

you are one of the few who knows this, R. I miss you. xxx

OMG silentwriter180, we are so alike in our situations, at least the few stories that I've read of yours so far. I could have written what you said. But it *was* there... it just left. And yes, we can talk about anything, except intimacy and his feelings and anything which calls upon him to FEEL. Was this the man I fell in love with?? No, clearly. I guess I've changed too.... but of course, he won't tell me if I have...... ugh!!!!

I know exactly what you mean. I'm on your end with my wife being unreceptive. I crave the closeness, but she can;t see that. She either doesn't know or doesn't care about my feelings because she openly flirts with other guys who can perform. It rips me apart. That's I used to go for walks. With the advent of the cell phone I can't get a moment alone. I will be moving out in less than 3 weeks. I'm really going to miss my cat. She is keeping him. But I will be free. Free to explore people who who need to share their emotions.

I understand what you mean. My marriage is finished though but all through the marriage something was missing. It felt more like a friendship although an annoying friendship really. We just tolerated the time we spent together. He never really loved me anyway it was just a marriage of convenience for him. Now, here I sit trying to live my life with my lovely teenagers, trying to run a household and do everything on my own. I'm doing ok but hence...................to have emotional intimafy with someone would be so nice, I so long for a man to share my thoughts, emotions, hopes and dreams but men my age that are single don't want relationships that only want sex and although sex is great I want love and emotional intimacy but is there such a thing?????????

I've made a couple of lists of why I stay and why I should leave, and the first list always outweighs the other. There are just too many things I can't let go of, I'd be a fool to. Like I said, I just need to find my emotional intimacy and support elsewhere, which is part of the reason I'm here, as I friend of mine brought me here to heal my heart and soul from the the things that have been hurting me the last 40 years. I just don't know where else to turn.

Your words resonate like a fog horn through the dense, wet fog...<br />
It is the same way here!<br />
I have cried, yelled, begged, and everything under the sun and the moon to no avail...<br />
I have stopped trying to get something here that will never be for us.So I am moving on with a heart that is cracked but healing. Sometimes love is not enough. I know this finally! It comes down to what you can and cannot live with and what you deserve. Life is far too short to waste my time and my love. What is your choice, love?

That's got to be frustrating. It is excellent that you connect in other ways though! I don't have any brilliant solutions to your problem because i can not delve into his specific mind, sorry.<br />
I can tell you that we are very glad you are here though. You bring an exceptionally wonderful element to this [our circles, and those you interact with] place. So, since you are valued voice and growing friend on here, I'd like to do what any friend would do...<br />
Want the first bite of my delicious sandwich?<br />
<br />
Yep, i share first bites with special people :-)

Thank you, sweetheart. I cannot tell you what your friendship means to me. It's so hard for me to open up to anyone, this is the first time I've really had that opportunity. And I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that, and you!!

I would love a bite of your sandwich, thank you, Love.

*Hugs* ;)