Just Be Here When I Cry..

In this day and age it seems that everyone is focused on material things, and the more things they have the more they want. All of us want to have nice things, that is only natural. I include myself in that, but I don't put the material things at the top of the list of what is most valuable. The simple fact of the matter is that no matter how much money you have or how nice your car is, regardless of how big your house is you can't take it with you when you go. 
Sex is a valuable thing to me, that I willingly admit, but more than that I value and desire the emotional intimacy. In reality I long for it more than anything else with the exception of better health. I don't want fake emotions either, anyone can offer fake sincerity and empathy. Pity is not what I am after either, for pity is not something that encourages us to get off our ***** and keep going. What I long for is for someone to wrap their arms around me when I cry and just hold me and let me cry.
Let me know that I am loved and needed, wanted and desired, tell me that I am beautiful on the inside if not on the outside. Kiss me in public like me are teenagers, instead of telling me we are too old to behave that way. In my opinion we are never to old to dance in the ran, and do something wild and crazy. Nobody has to be a grown up all the time. We only live once and we should embrace life and live like each day is our last. 
Things that come from the heart touch us so much more than just spending money. Calling just to say "I love you", picking flowers instead of buying them, sticking a note in someones briefcase or whatever. The thing is those things just don't happen, at least not in my world. Not from where they should anyway, and though I know it is wrong to envy others I find myself doing it.
Of course I realize that some people just don't know how to share emotions, or properly be romantic. They do and say irritating things thinking it is romantic or endearing when in all reality it is not. I know this as I have spent all my adult life with someone who puts making money first, and thinks that doing things to aggravate is funny. That of course being when he is doing them to me, but not when the shoe is on the other foot.
I listen and try to engage him in the romantic things that "professionals" recommend but they don't work. Sadly I see us drifting further and further apart, I am waiting for him to see that too. I am not a cry baby and I am not whining, I know I could do something about it, but I don't want to hurt anyone and in his eyes there is no issue. He just doesn't't see that sometimes I just want him to wrap me in his arms and kiss me. I don't even get that when he comes home and he has been gone for a week or more. I get a smart comment or something, and I get he wants time to himself.
At times I see him struggling as much as I am because he is so unsure of what to do and he doesn't know how to fix things for me. I know he loves me, but he needs to find a way to balance things as much for himself as for me. We are so much alike that I know he senses when things are going on with me, and I know he wants to give me the world, but he is my world. We have struggled through so much together, and fought to make it last. Honestly, I think we are both way two tired to try to go through the process of starting all over again.

bluetatoo19712000 bluetatoo19712000
36-40, F
2 Responses May 5, 2012

i feel that your guy loves you but he is not taking the time to understand your need for me it is the same case. yes i totally agree with you sex between the couples is very important and emotions have to flow freely no restrictions as you need not pretend with your loved one. i feel observe him more and get into his mood and then bring him around to your side, cause many a times he is on something else than you and so you may have to take the first step to prepare the common platform. am not living close by if not it is always good to have a frank talk in person. as myah said do not expect him to change only get to understand his moods and once you know it be there before him and create the mood for him, then he will start to come around to your moods then am sure you will be very happy but it is something which must keep on and on

I have no doubt he loves me...Sex has never been a big priority with him and I don't think it ever really will be, but I am learning to accept that. Sometimes I just want him to hear me, and understand that I am lonely that I do need him. I know he has to work, but it would be nice if he would keep his promises and take some time off for his sake and mine too.

well maybe you have to see his mood and make him understand how lonely you are and it will be good to take a break from his work. onething these days many people are workholics and vacation is a waste of time but most of their fun is at the office while at work they forget about the woman at home who is feeling lonely. i do not want to advice but it is you how can change things i feel you sure will be able to make him realise how much of life is missing. how much ever work he does the employers will always demand more he has to take time to think

I think if more women read up on the science of attachment, we would have less heartache. As someone nursing a broken heart, I just read up on this on truthaboutdeception.com It is really interesting to learn about the different styles of love and attachment, and with this knowledge know why our relationship is the way it is. I have also found a book, which looks to cover all of this. It's called, "Attachment, and is written by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. I have not read it, but have read excerpts, and plan on buying it tonight if I can get it on kindle. In short, if we are mismatched with someone of a different style of love and attachment to our own, then there will be problems. It also tells you how to deal with a relationship like this, and what to look for in future relationships. I think I now understand why my own relationship did not work, and probably was never going to work. <br />
Btw, I long for the emotional intimacy of which you speak, for many years now. I got a taste of it with my love, but it was not to last, and it is this I miss the most, and causes me the greatest pain. Good luck, dear.

Thank you, in my relationship it is very confusing at times with him, I think he wants to be more attentive and affectionate, but he doesn't know how. We have been married for 21yrs and they are not all bad. We drift apart then seem to drift back together. The biggest thing is he tries to carry all the financial burden and doesn't like to let me help with it, since my health issues have gotten the way they are. It is almost like it pains him to see me want/hurt for things he knows he can't give me or fix, so he just backs away.