The Sad Truth 2

I need someone to talk to.  I am married, but often times, my husband isn't as approachable or as talkative until he has a drink.  The personality changes that I witness are marked.  When he has not been drinking, he is withdrawn most of the time.  If there is sex or alcohol involved he becomes more sociable toward me.  I feel like I do not know him, and that we do not have much in common.  In the past, I have tried to have heart-to-heart type conversations with him.  In return, he shuts down the conversation by saying something to completely mess up the mood that I was trying to create.  I understand that many men (women, as well) don't like talking about their feelings much.  But, as an adult, I feel that there are certain times when you should be able to open up to the person you love.   
I love him, but I need more from him.  We have had many issues in our marriage-problems that were contributed by both of us.  Saying that, I want it to be known that I am not at all innocent or without fault.  If he does has issues with me, he is not making me aware.  I have let him know how I feel.  It winds up becoming a small argument afterwhich I get the cold shoulder from him.  So, now any concerns or issues that I would like to bring up just go unsaid. 
I'm kind of in a situation where I feel as though I'm  just hanging around.  This is a 50% sometimes 75% marriage.  I may hang around until my youngest child turns 18.  If we are not able to form the emotional bond that I am seeking, then I definitely, do not see any reason for us to stay married.        
ThaiAarti ThaiAarti
31-35, F
2 Responses May 19, 2012

I understand your delema. I'm a girl that also has a need for emotional intimacy with any guy I'm with or there is nothing, and yes some guys do struggle talking about certain things, but I found in my marriage, if I could talk talk to him, the sex was so much better, as us females, do respond better when our emotional needs are being met. I was married but unfortunately I'm a young widow :(

I was your like husband once. I changed. I became attentive and giving. I learned how to listen. We became closer. Over time, my desire for more intimacy strengthened. Hers, not so much. It is 15 years later and I still become putty with the slightest touch of her finger tips. She is not a touchy feely woman. Anyway, I would like to offer an ear if you are willing to talk to a stranger. Maybe you would be willing to lend me an ear and possibly some advice occasionally.