It's My Fault...maybe

Our relationship started as a "sex only" arrangement but, if I hadn't been interested in getting to know him it would not have happened in the first place. We were in a training school together, so we had class and dinner with each other every evening, except for some weekends. Due to that fact, there was no way that we could have only been "bed buddies". Everyone that saw us knew that we were a couple, and that we'd be together. I knew after the first words he said to me that he would be my husband. Very strange, but true. Unfortunately, we made an agreement to get a room on the weekends for the purpose of having sex. From the beginning of these meetings, I could feel that there was more than just sex between us.
After about one month, he told me that we were supposed to only be friends and nothing more. I knew at that point he chose to reel back his feelings. Our feelings were strong and mutual, but he decided to put his wall up. At that point, I realized that he had issues, particularly, with women and trust. Eventhough we had our initial agreement, I was heartbroken just the same. Well, after my physical departure and my attempt at an emotional one, he comes to admit to himself that he loves me. Wow, really?
So, skip-a-lot to today. I reflect and wonder what I saw in him back then. I saw comfort and familiarity. I guess that some women's primal instincts come into play when finding a mate. I must have envisioned a strong and good provider. My Daddy!? What the hell?! What I sensed from him is the feeling I felt being around my father. Why did I choose him? He is a know-it-all, cocky, and neurotic man. I married my ef-fing dad.

ThaiAarti ThaiAarti
31-35, F
2 Responses May 20, 2012

It's hard having the blinders come off. I can only empathize.

I can understand your feelings !