Breaking Up In A Alternative Relationship

Long story short.I am 57 and a single person by choice.I was an only child and two weeks ago, my dear father passed away.I was married to a man I really did not love in the way that I wanted for fifteen years. We had three beautiful children.He adopted my child that I had out of wedlock when we got married.So the love between us was conditional. By my own volition, I chose to give him his children in return for stability and security for myself and my now adult daughter.

Needless to say, by the time I chose to end the marriage, I was a complete emotional,physical and psychological wreck. I became permanently disabled and still receive goverment assistance for my mental illness.

I have had problems with alcohol and food addiction.I also have the great fortune to have a great faith in my Creator. As a young adult, I pursued a career in broadcasting, for which I was well suited and well trained.I had a bachelor's degree with a double major in theatre and journalism and was the youngest person in my state to receive a position on air with a network affiliate.I was a pioneer woman in 1970's television.

For many reasons for which I am solely responsible, I was unable to fulfill the demands placed on me as a career woman,mother,wife and household manager and just gave up.Went on strike, for good. So at 57,miracle of miracles,my adult children have forgiven me and my ex and I are civil.

My current dilemma is how to either transform or remove myself from my current relationship. I have been sober(thanks to God and AA) for two years now and no longer require the services of a psychotherapist.MY live in ex lover now roommate is a severely depressed chronic alcoholic who hemorrhages any money he is given and seems to be able to live on alcohol,other women and me. When we are co=dependent, he does better, but when I force him to stand on his own, he becomes an irresponsible child. Of course, P am damaged but I find that love is unconditional and his sins are against himself and are not my problem. I have the power to heal myself but I have lost faith in my power to be a channel for his healing.Whenever i try to force him to leave so that i can protect myself and my finances, the resulting outcome always includes me forgiving him and letting him stay.We are no longer lovers and I do not have any more labels for what we are now.In limbo seems to be the closest I can come. Any resolution suggestions are welcome.
suzanseaspan suzanseaspan
56-60
Dec 15, 2012