Post

Bike Ride And Intimacy

Like others I find myself out of work again so the challenge is to stay positive.

For me I strive to deal with my life "one day at a time".

Not dwell on the past, or project about the future.

So this morning I rode my bike into the city. And did Step work with a Sponsee of mine. Am in the Al Anon program and written step work is about a journey of what one thinks, feels and behaves. And our motives for those patterns.

The subject we looked at today was FEAR.

Economic insecurity, fear of loosing assets, fear of wife returning to booze and fear of marriage failure were his issues.

Mine are not finding employment, depression, and letting my wife down.

Men revealing these issues to one another is something I have learned to do over last ten years.

My sponsee is only just starting on this path.

I suggested he google fear and learn what other words apply....eg anxiety, apprehension etc. we men are only just learning a vocabulary for feelings.

Comments welcome
HollywoodBob HollywoodBob 46-50, M 12 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Your Response

Cancel

You have a wife? Good fir you

Peri tell us....if you are able...about your own fears.

I am interested.

Fear is relative. It is dependent on reactions, and it is in itself a reaction based on experience, positive or negative.

so honest and true... men find it hard to understand their feelings, but i think there is progression over the last few years, thank goodness... you are a brave soul..

Not just you men...
I am learning how to be okay with all those vulnerable feelings...
anger was always my emotion of choice...
velnerable feels very scarey to me...
anger feels strong...
all an illusion...
feelings are just what they are...
learning to accept them..
and know the intensity will wane...
i am also practicing the one day at a time...
sometimes one moment at a time...
joyinthejourney, clg

An EP friend posted a quote by Lao Tzu which struck me that I have never forgotten it since then, it goes " If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present." I find it useful to classify my feelings as belonging to any of these on a need basis and it has helped me understand where the uneasy feelings are coming from. I have always observed that men, in general have indeed issues about talking about their feelings. It may be traced as to how they were brought up, social stereotypes or societal expectations. They are expected not to be very expressive about their feelings because crying, for example is so "uncool" or "unmanly-like" or is perceived as a sign of weakness.

It has been several months since you wrote this story. I am sure you have made significant progress in your journey to emotional freedom. I wish you the best. :)

Is this 'we men' some blanket group of men?

There are a rather huge number who are very aware and articulate, going back a number of generations, I might add.

Today my son is coming around for a ride.

Next week I hope to go riding with my mate Allan.

It is a joyful experience . Of course here in Australia it's summer so the days are suitable.

He just texted me ....he's watching a us pro basketball game and wants to come in 30 minutes. This is the second delay he has made this afternoon. Do you men have similar issues with your sons ?

Would you like me to send you some questions on Fear?

You could answer them at your leisure.

Discuss your answers with someone you trust.

I could sent them here on in a private message.

Be well.

I have studied a lot about fear. I would like to talk about it next week when things slow down for me.

You are right about men and their apprehension and also their lack of interest to discuss what they feel. I think many times they see sharing feelings as a waste of time. I think it's great to take life one day at a time.

I agree.

Emotional intelligence involves connecting with the feelings we experience, knowing the word for the feeling ( intensity ), and understanding what the healthy choices are for dealing with them.

Thank you for your observations young lady?

Be well.

Bob