Friends Have Never Appreciated My Kindness.

 My whole life all I knew was to be kind, to try and understand others, and accept them for who they were.  This all came natural to me, to the point I would almost feel for other peoples pain before my own.  I have been burned, and walked all over by so many different X friends that I almost don't even know how to treat people anymore. I try and find a good medium where I am not mean or nice, but it just is not natural for me. Sad thing is here I am at 27 years old with no true set of friends. I never could of imagined that being the nice guy or the "yes man" would leave you high and dry. So now it's turned into almost a trust issue when I meet new friends.  More or less in person than online, cause that's where I have been hurt the most.  Because of it I have become so much more secluded from the world, and a bit angry, at why the mean guys always ended up respected.  I am surprised I am actually finally talking about this for once, but I am sure there has to be someone out there like me who has gone through this, and understands the pain it can cause you mentally later on in your life.  I never once talked bad on a friend, I never back stabbed them.  I was always so giving, and I thinks that the problem is they new I would give and give, so they took and took. Maybe on here I will find some genuine friends, who appreciate my kindness and understanding of their situation. 

Please comment this, I am really interested to see what some of you might have to say on the matter.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.
addictionPain addictionPain
26-30, M
15 Responses Aug 27, 2011

Wow man. Here I thought I was alone in that boat. I have a strikingly similar situation. Mine involves a group of people I brought together through kindness and understanding. Most of them were seen as 'outcasts' until I came around. Now I've been tossed out like trash from that same group, now that they're socially very sound individuals. I feel alienated, and its hard for me to just be myself. Sometimes I don't really know what 'being myself' is around people. Have you found anything that's helped you along? If so I'd love a piece of advice.

I dont even know what to say to this because this is my life, I am amazed by the friends I thought I had because I give and give and give and I have no problem with that because thats who I am. When I give, that person is happy but so am I, I feel it in my heart. And most people just take advantage of that and when I have nothing to give, all of a sudden Im the bad guy and I just cant do it anymore.

Um that really sucks my sister has experienced similar scenarios pretty much her entire life. It feels like a nightmare at times, some human beings can become monsters.... Selfish & Cruel... If you want Ill be your friend " there's no pressure" :-)

That used to happen to me a lot. I was always being the good friend, helping out, letting them vent and talk about themselves cuz I thought that's what was needed to develop friendships. It wasn't until I started being more vulnerable that I found true friends. And they were not the same people I tried to befriend to begin with. <br />
Don't give up. There are people out there who will truly like you and want to be friends with you.

Nice people are often taken for granted, There are good people too who will appreciate your kindness but there are very few.

i fell the same way too.. it was so easy to say to "get over of it" but still i cant do it,. i always felt alone,. and hoping that someone would pick me up,. and never leave me alone..

I've been looking for people just like you all my life, and i've never found any that were my age. You are a very special person, don't let anybody bring you down on that. I know it's hard. It feels like all the jerks get the girls, respect, etc. And you endlessly gives out his friendship and compassion gets nothing. I've been through that until i met a wise person who understood me. Don't forget it, keep looking for those good people. And don't give yourself away to those who don't deserve it. You deserve all the best friends in the world. May you find a great one soon.

I empathize... Know that the world needs you... We NEED you. Don't be discouraged, just take a deep breath and believe, KNOW that you are someone special.

Wow. Hi. I have to say that feel the same way most of the time. I have had many transient freinds who for the most part have seemed very superficial and self serving. Truth is i cannot be bothered with them. I have also had had many very good friends in my younger days who have been very good people but we have somehow lost our contact. I miss it very much. Currently I have no one in my life who is a significant friend and I find that the older I get the more difficult it is for people to become true freinds. I imagine that other people have established their contacts and have no need for me- this I believe is from a constant disappointment from the contacts I have made in recent years. I really miss the true friendships that I had when I was young.

For some reason I just felt all your pain you are going through , It is odd, cause I seen myself there also. I am typing this to you with tears in my eyes . Lord , only knows why. Hang in there , there is light at the end of your suffering. I finally got my light. So it will can be done.

I'm also 27 and completely friendless. I'd consider myself to be fairly good natured and of the friends that I've had in the past, I've rarely treated them unkindly. The apparent problem is that being nice, kind and loyal seem to be insufficient to guarantee that a friendship will last. I have very poor social skills and am introverted by nature; I don't have the ability to constantly make people laugh.<br />
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I'm absolutely miserable and want someone to like me, even with all my limitations.

go to a homeless person and give them food, clothing or a chat.. :-) volunteer at a children's home or an elderly person's home.. spend time by yourself and become your own best friend :-) My point is keep at it .. not everyone is the same, there are true genuine people out there who will not like you said "back stab you" :-) open your horizon my friend. ..

I empathize. People who care as equally as you do are hard to come by, friends especially.

I would have to strongly disagree with flirtymiss's remarks. Making/finding good friends (especially as you get older) can sometimes be difficult. As mentioned, people become guarded and suspicious of each other. Trust me, you are not alone. Aycha is right: finding your talents and developing them is important. It will not only help you build confidence and hopefully get you into an enjoyable career, but it usually leads to socializing with people who have similar interests. <br />
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The reason I have a problem with flirtymiss's comments is this: Selfishness is NOT in short supply these days. There's never any difficulty finding people who are completely self-absorbed and could care less about the world around them. Clearly we all have to take care of ourselves (physically, mentally, spiritually, etc.), but to quote a song lyric "And in the end...The love you take is equal to the love you make".<br />
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Look - no one wants to feel like they are naive or have their feelings hurt. I (and have friends who) have given my heart and opened my feelings to people who have a hard time reciprocating. It's sad, and makes a relationship very unsatisfying.<br />
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So what can we do? Be resilient. School, church, volunteering, and participating in positive hobbies are all options for meeting quality people. It's best not to be too fixated on finding friends. It can take time, but it WILL happen. Stay positive. You will be glad you did. Please remember: It's soooo easy to be negative and selfish in this world...but part of our duty is attempting to make the world around us a better place. It doesn't have to be a huge, dramatic effort. Small things like a smile, holding a door open, saying "thank you" DOES make a difference. Having a good heart is something the right people notice, so please hang in there :)

i dont know why you insist to find friends of that very specific quality! Sometimes when you are so generous and overkind to the wrong persons, they will be meanly happy with what you give, and meanly stupid thinking you demand things in return, so they treat people like: "use it, and throw it then!"<br />
modesty with sort of people is understood weakness! Dont act with ur friends like begging their kindness, they would think you conditioning them to how you like!<br />
I am sorry to talk like that, but it is life,<br />
i know how much you need care, love, and understanding!<br />
The billsyou take can exaggarate the way of response of others towards you, i am sure, not all people you know are bad as you think, some yes, and that is normal!<br />
Try to understand people better, dont hang over every single word or act to overanalyse it!<br />
Accept people as they are, work on ur self confidence by succeeding in some domain, i am sure you have some talent to succeed by, as everyone!<br />
Live simple, dtop nagging, and keep smiling...just.<br />
Wishing you the best, take care<br />

Those are good words of advise, thank you. I am still learning I guess.