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Stockholm Syndrome

I grew up without any real connections with my biological family. So I kind of formed my own with several similarly damaged individuals. The family got pretty large, at about 13 "brothers". The trust and love was incredible, I didn't see it ever coming to an end, particularly for myself since I'd been the largest influence in the group and brought them all together. Then I started gradually changing for the worse, and the group began to think of me differently. Instead of helping, they slyly insulted me every chance they got. I thought it was just payback for a handful of misdeeds I made toward almost all of them, and that it would end shortly. It didn't. For over a year they've been insulting me to my face. I've tried to let go, and move on but its pretty difficult for a few reasons. The first and most obvious is that they were my family for my whole life. The second is that they consistently invite me to things, reassure their love for me, and buy me expensive things. You could imagine it really messes with my psyche. One minute I feel like exploding with anger and sadness, the next I think "maybe they really do still care." That loop has repeated itself for over a year. I know its kind of stockholm syndrome. But every time I try to leave, one of them convinces me to stay. Wish I could find some new people I could actually trust.
Pzine Pzine 18-21, M Dec 29, 2012

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