Why...

I wonder why I push all my friends away, and why I let them go. Without them I am so lonely and feel so empty. I have a boyfriend and daughter that keep me sane but no one on the outside to talk to. I just wish I had someone that I could call on the phone just to see what they were up to and how they were feeling. When I think about doing things like that though I get scared. Scared to talk to someone new and scared I'll mess up what I say and what if they dont like me. I am good at talking to people for short amounts of time but then I can walk away. I want someone though that I wont walk away from and the courage to bring them into my life and be my friend. I wish magic could make me different and make this happen. But I have to do this on my own somehow.