What Am I Doing Wrong!

I just can't seem to make friends for the life of me!  Even today I went on this meet/cruise/lunch with 50+ people from a car forum. I smiled, I talked, I complemented, I expressed myself, I admired, I asked questions, I listened,  I remembered every persons name I come across and tried to use their name in conversation when applicable.  I really tried to be sociable. No one come up to talk to me, I felt alone in a crowd almost the whole time.  Even during lunch I felt alone, and out of place. The two other guys at the table it turned out were business partners and much of their conversation was just that, business.  They even did web development as I do and I couldn't mesh very well with them. I don't know what I am doing wrong. This may have not been a scene for me but damn, people are harsh!. I don't know what it tales to make friends I guess. 

RecycledDaily RecycledDaily
46-50, M
12 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I can relate and it's so hard to make friends these days

RecycledDaily, I have done the exact same things as you when I am in a crowd of people or one on one. to meet people. I do all the "right" things: good eye contact, use and remember their name, compliment them, bring up subjects I think they are interested in....but it doesn't help me either. I'm not sure what it takes to make a friend these days. I used to have friends but I would usually have one best friend. I was married 4 times so that was easy, they were my best friends. Now that I'm single, I'm really alone and having the same time meeting people you are. I try to join groups that interest me, I took a college course,etc. but so far nothing. I'm not giving up though. I found this site which has been hopeful. I get to talk to nice people like you :-)

I can relate to what your saying! It seems no matter where I am or whom I'm with I just don't really fit in..I'm the odd ball and always alone!

Elall1rogiano,<br />
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I don't know if I've found my weaknesses, I put myself out there and the response is as if I'm not important, or interesting enough. I am no comedian or salesman, so if people are expecting me to sell myself then I will fail!<br />
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I only know about what I've done, seen, experienced in my life so that is what I talk about when I am not listening. Should I learn how to tell jokes or something? I mean I know people like to be around those who make them laugh but I'm not a funny guy, I can be but it's generally by accident. I guess this is where the frustration comes in.

hh, it's not that I don't want to go back, it's more of being able to afford living there. People from CA, I tend to relate to easier than most.<br><br />
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I do need to find an interest that involves groups of people, but right now I think I need to feel better about myself, for myself.

Thank you all for your kind words and ideas. I guess I'm being a bit hard on myself and this was one of them days I was a bit too hard on myself. It just seems nothing goes my way! Even today I found issues that put holes in my house buying plans! <br />
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My son friends are mostly female, and I've met their parents when I/they had dropped the kids off. That in itself was generally an awkward moment where I felt like I was under the microscope. Eh, it’s usually the mother that I end up talking to and the conversation between us during the short time we talk has mostly been awkward.<br />
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I'm working on it, just need to relax and not stress it so much I guess, I'll try, which is all I can do...

Meeting people in the real is hard to do, even harder to do it when you are going through your situation, that I have red in another post. I am/have been in a similar situation as you regarding making friends.<br />
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Hey don't worry about what you are doing wrong, just be you. If you have lost yourself and need to find who you are again, you have come to the right spot.<br />
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People here for the most part are willing to share and comment on the posts that are given. Most all give good comments that are helpful and insightful.<br />
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So welcome and we look forward to reading about you and your life.

ill be our friend-im a friend of fungirls!

Sunshine had a good idea but I think from your stories you are doing that. How about your children's friends as a source. They have parents and you should get to know them for the safety of your children. Common interest there would be your children. Why not have a cook out or something at your house for the kids and parents.

One way i found friends when I was in a strange place (Mississippi) I joined groups that fit my interest. But i've felt the same as you many times. Like my first day of college. I went to a fashion school and those girls can be mean. But I ended up finding great friends it just took time. So I wish you the best of luck!

People in real life can be jerks. Good thing you come here to talk about issues like this with others who feel the same! The society we live in now is very harsh, people are always on the lookout for others who will burn them, and try to protect themselves. Sadly, that means they're missing out on some potential great friendships! Don't give up, just see that experience as a bump along the road. You've obviously thought out a plan of attack to put yourself out there to meet people, and that's fantastic so don't be hard on yourself for trying :) If you still have trouble meeting some good folks, there's plenty of us in the same boat and this is a great place to meet good people. All the best!

Thanks, I just get frustrated sometimes. I grew-up in CA and never had a problem making friends when I was there. Ever since then it's been a challenge, but moving back isn't going to happen...