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zero friends

does anyone know what it's like to have no friends. i get really embarrassed when i see people at coffee shops etc. hanging out with friends. i would love to call someone up or have them call me and just hang out for coffee, shopping, chatting. all through school i only had a very small circle of friends and they've all gone by the way side. the only person in my life is my boyfriend and if he disappears i don't know what I'll do. i don't even know how to make friends, i'm way too shy. plus i have anxiety so that doesn't help either. any suggestions?...
prettyinpink prettyinpink 46-50, F 25 Responses Feb 5, 2007

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Golly! I was about to respond when I noticed how much feedback you have already received. I'm not very trusting, so I don't go out of my way to make friends, which is a big part of the problem, I know. The best way to make friends that I know of is to put yourself out there. Do what you enjoy and you may end up meeting people who like doing the same things. Joining clubs, like a walking group or a book club, is one way to make connections. I'm fairly private, too, so I usually don't open a conversation. You know, I only have one good friend, and it's only by staying in touch that we've remained friends. I wouldn't say we have a lot in common, but we enjoy each other's company nonetheless. Anyone else I know is just an acquaintance, not someone I can call if I need help.

It's a tough call. I wish I could offer more advice. To be honest, I don't follow my own advice very much regarding making new friends anyway. For what it's worth, by just reviewing all the replies to this story, it's obvious that lots of other people feel the same way. Cold comfort, I know. I hope you've been able to make some friends here since you wrote this piece. Take care.

Have you worked out a way to make friends?<br />
I feel as though I am in the same boat; my friends are well, not quite my friends.<br />
But I have a friend circle because I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. Truth is, without him, I'd probably be by myself for awhile. But I don't want that to happen; so if you've found a way to make new friends, I'd love to hear it. :)

I know how you feel. I'm in the same situation. As a matter of fact I am humiliated by it!<br />
I am actually pushing my boyfriend away because the fear of me having limited family and friends is just daunting... who will be my maid of honor? Will I have to hire a bridal party LOL. :(....<br />
<br />
I don't know how to act around his family because I don't know what family is... The only true family I had was my best friends .. who passed away in 2006. Needless to say its hard to make friends when were shy and to top it off have anxiety issues.<br />
<br />
I can't offer you advice because Im seeking it myself!!!!!!!<br />
I can however offer you someone to chat with :)

im right there with you! ill be your friend!

just jumping on the bandwagon to announce i too have no real friends.thanks for sharing ur story... i grew up in a toxic background which attracted me to toxic friends and thru counselling I am reclaiming myself but its so lonely.. I have friends through work and some old friends but not ones I can meet up for in the weekend I miss that. Also the town I'm in my mother is really quite popular and well known so this makes me feel like I cant be my own person because there is this level of expectation because so many people here know who I am. I really hope to form some meaningfull friendships ..

I so know what its like! I'll be your friend! ^___^

I am kinda going in the same direction now, when I was in high school I actually was doing pretty well, and I was known as the goof off clown kinda dude, I had tons of friends to rely on and go party but as I approached senior year I realized who where my real friends in life and it turned out they were only a few. Now that I'm in college everyone has parted ways, and I still sort of keep in contact with a few of them but its become a very distant relationship between me and them and all I have left to hang out with all the time is my girlfriend who has the same problem and we talk everyday about how we wish we had all the friends we once used to have and we just keep looking and all the people we meet turn out to be very immature still and all they wanna do is party 24/7 and ofcourse we love partying but you know... we sometimes wish we had a group of friends to just go out and socialize and do other things like go out to dinner and what not you know... but its very hard now a days. specially in a state where theres nothing to do but party.

I totally agree with the making friends bit. When i was growing up i had a few select friends but since have moved to another state so i have no friends. it is hard. the only friends i do have are the ones i work with. they arent friends to say the least just coworkers. <br />
i think it is hard to make new friends cause it is hard to open up and let people in.

just invest ur time and efforts on 4-5 friends and cultivate good friendship...that's more than enuf

We alle need friends und this poem is how i feel<br />
<br />
Everyone Needs Someone<br />
<br />
People need people and friends need friends<br />
And we all need love for a full life depends<br />
Not on vast riches or great acclaim,<br />
Not on success or on worldy fame,<br />
But just in knowing that someone cares<br />
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers-<br />
For only the knowledge that we're understood<br />
Makes everyday living feel wonderfully good,<br />
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need<br />
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed<br />
The outstretched hand reaching to find<br />
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind<br />
Are lonely and longing to somehow share<br />
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware<br />
That life's completeness and richness depends<br />
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends.

I am in the exact same boat as you. My husband is always pressuring me to get friends but I don't even know how to do that. I mean, people don't get my sense of humor or I'm always sticking my foot in my throat. I want someone to turn to just like you or to hang out with or just to call but I have no one.

I feel the same way as you guys. I have one amazing friend right now that lives near by.. but she is very popular and spends lots of time with her bf, we never really hang out to often anymore. In high school i only had 2 amazing friends that i managed to hang on to throught the 4 years. Many friends have stabbed in the back in the past. I have lots of issues around trust... i feel as though i've trained myself to not trust. I dont know why. Its as though i've trapped myself in my home wanting out, but to afraid of what it's like out there.

ya, when i go out i'm very chattty and love to talk and ask questions (maybe cuz i've had a drink) *shrugs*.... i miss going out dancing, i love to do that... oh well i know i need to put more effort into follow up phone calls and stuff.......

I totally relate to your experience prettyinpink. I've had no friends for seven years now and when I think about it I wonder how the hell I've survived. <br />
<br />
Its strange because when I first lost touch with my friends from high school and college, I was like alright I'm fine, its not all that bad, I can handle this, and I pretty much didn't feel like I needed any friends up until three years into it, then I began seeing a guy who I had a serious relationship with for 5 years. <br />
<br />
Eventually that fizzled out, and one of his excuses was my lacks of friends. he wanted to meet my friends and there were none. This hurt but at the same time I understood, afterall I had met all his friends, there just wasn't balance in our relationship anymore. This really brought down my self esteem.<br />
<br />
Right now, I feel so lonely. Sometimes I have something on my mind and I wish I had a friend there to tell them. I have a youngest sister and she is the only one who is my real friend, however she has her circles of friends and is doing well in her life and for that reason I feel like an extra burden.<br />
<br />
Suprisingly I am a bubbly person in the right settings, I used to take part in dancing competitions and from an early age to date, I've produced my own songs and play instruments.<br />
<br />
I feel that life is passing me by at 29 and I want to achieve things but my confidence has hit an all time low due to having no friends, i wish i had the assertiveness to go out and make them, because I don't think my personality is all that bad while many loners might think because of their social status it is.<br />
<br />
I tell myself I'm not a looser for not having friends, its just the way life is at the moment, i lost my old friends and I have to move on and find new ones.<br />
<br />
I really hope I will, I hope we all do!!

ya M, we can just get each other's drama on the e.p page right M, who needs "in your face friends" lol

huh!!!! don't get your comment at all. i never said ppl hate me. don't get your money, ugly bit either. .....

i'm the same as you guys... I dont have any friends in real life. I used to have a lot of friends online but kind of alienated them when I found someone online that I loved to chat with allllll the time... and now he's not able to really chat with me anymore and it bothers me that I miss our friendship so much but he doesnt seem to. This has happened before in real life too, but maybe not to the same extent. I think I have no friends because I'm afraid of getting hurt so I dont let people get too close. I'm in a good relationship, but to have a best friend to confide in and talk to and be silly with is something I really need.

I had an internet pal awhile ago. She was a God-send for awhile. I miss the silliness of our initial friendship - talking about Conan O'Brien or some other thing on TV, or in the Way Back Machine of our childhoods. I miss that about her.

I have always found it easier to be friends with women than men. I have had male friends, but for some reason it is easier getting a women engaged into a conversation than it is a man. Maybe, we men, simply do not let our guards down.

If you would like to chat online, I would love to have a friend.

I feel the same way. It seems like real friendships are uncommon these days. I hear more and more about people stabbing each other in the back and betraying each other. It is really scary to even try to trust new people. Although I have noticed I can depend on strangers more than my family or so called friends.

We're a fine bunch aren't we? he-he A lonely bunch. I know all too well what it's like to be alone & too feel alone. <br />
<br />
A while back, I found this article about Making & Keeping Friends. <br />
Here is the site: http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/SMA-3716/making.asp<br />
<br />
I hope it helps. I wish I could be more helpful. Please let me know if this is helpful for anyone. <br />
<br />
I wish you all deep and lasting friendships. Friends are "the emotional food of life".

Well would you look at this...lol loks to me like we have a friendship circle going on here. no wy to judge by appearance , I have a cup of coffee right beside me and i have no shoes on...lol sounds good to me. yall are not alone in your quest for friendship, but i believe the quest is about over, take care,<br />
<br />
Your friend.<br />
luvbugg77

I can relate to that. All of my friends are married and busy in their own lives. I rarely ever see any of them. The only two people that call me are my mother and on occassion my cousin. I am a single parent and have one teenage son. I am glad I have him but I don't have any real adult companionship. It gets very lonely. I work and come home and that seems to be my life. I have promised myself to get out more even it its just going to a bookstore. The people I work with are in their own little clicks so theres no social life with them outside of work. I am also shy about meeting people.

Girl i know how you feel ... i live literally in the middle of nowhere ... i moved back to my home town which i swore i would never do but the things i do to socialize is i go to church and to group therapy .. maybe not the best outlet but its a start

i'm also similar to two of you. well we can't contact our friends but we can be in contact with eachother. and we've faced similar situations so we can be great friends coz two people experincing same situations can understand eachother better than anyone else.

thanks mindfighter for your comment. any ideas how to find quality real friends??

I am like you. I have friends but we are not that close at all. The just call me up for sport events and some things I don't want to be involved in. And I haven't seen them in over a month now. I am probably where you are at. I wrote a story on here of basically my whole high school life. So yeah I know what it is like to have to battle everything alone.