I Will Never Give Up On My Children.

Growing up I felt like my parents gave up on me. They were divorced and dating other people and when things didn't work out or they were afraid that I might come in between them and their significant other, they would ship me off to the other parent! This happened so many times that when I was in grade 8 I was enrolled in the same school 8 times that's not including the multiple other schools in between, and always having to make new friends, and not keeping up with the curriculum I was suffering from anxiety, and developed ulcers! I now believe that I should have honored my parents better, but they were never home so I grew wild.

Because of that instability in my life, I deeply desired a family and a stable home life at a very young age and decided to make a family of my own at age 16, I had met an older man who wanted to take me under his wing, 6 months later I was pregnant with his twins. I knew that he would be a good provider, and that he had a mild temper, and was good with kids, and I loved him for being exactly what I needed.

If I would have honored my parents better than maybe I wouldn't have been shipped off so many times, maybe I would have done better in school, maybe I would have had a career first rather than having that desire to find a stable family life instead. None the less, I had to sacrifice my dreams and goals for my children. I did go back to school when the twins were 2 but I ended up getting pregnant again, and it was too expensive for me to have them in child care while I worked making next to no profit. So it was better for me to stay at home and raise my children myself.

There have been so many issues that I've had to face raising my children, the twins were good up until about the age of 7 that's when we moved back to my hometown and ended up needing a place to live right now, so we settled for a less then perfect neighborhood, and getting mixed up with the wrong crowd, exposing them to bullies and thieves. Which changed them. They would get into mischief and wander around the neighborhood get beat up and come home with broken glasses, or having their pants and underwear torn right off of them over their heads and thrown up on a roof exposing them naked from the belly down! Oh yes I was angry I grabbed their clothes and showed them to the psycho bullies mother telling her that she will be speaking to the police, of course the police could do nothing about it! I had just made a new enemy! We ended up moving to the small town twenty minutes away, a more clicky town, but better, and a much better neighborhood. I had 4 children by this time and I was done. A little disappointed that I had actually gotten pregnant once again because I was waiting for my daughter to start school so that I could go out and work, but now I had another 5 years of being at home. But having my youngest was no disappointment at all, he's extremely cute and bright too.

I have promised myself at a very young age that I would never get a divorce and put my children through that, I also believed that the greatest gift that you could give your children was a happy healthy marriage, and I must say that I do have that. I love my husband deeply and he loves me. Our children will never know what it's like to not have that stability of changing schools in the middle of the year, they will never have to feel like they have to chose one parent over the other, they will always have that security, that is my gift to them, that I never had.

My twins became friends with a boy who was a kleptomaniac! His mother became my friend because I felt sorry for her being a single mom of five coming out of an abusive marriage, where the father had inappropriately touched and played with their daughters (I wrote it that way so that I didn't have to check the content of this story) We spent a lot of time together, basically raising our 9 children together, I stepped in when her kids got out of line and she did the same for me and we showered each others kids with lot's of love like as if they were our own. We would take them to the beach and have picnics, I didn't agree with her son stealing all of the time, and she just let it go, I would tell her to return the items stolen but she just let them keep it because they were so impoverished. My children were exposed but thankfully did not participate in stealing, my son has only stolen twice and it was 5 bucks and another 10 from his twin from the money he earned recycling bottles. I have canceled that son's allowance, instead of getting anything for himself his money will go to his brother and he will work it off with me!

He is my lazy one how do I make a lazy boy who fights and uses up all of his energy that he could be using to clean up on fighting me not to clean up? It's a chore for me big time, his twin does enough for both of them and get's tired and needs a break from his chores too. I think that I will do some research and find solutions on this subject in my next story, This is something that does tempt me to give up on but I refuse to give up the fight, I try to work along side him like a little child trying to get him to help out around the house. But there's got to be more there's got to be a better solution to change this behavior. For him to take up responsibility to help his mother around the house. I won't give up on him and his lazy disposition, I want his future wife to thank me one day not to complain that he's a lazy slob and it's time now to get his training underway. I will focus on this subject in my next story, he is grounded now for good reason for 1 month starting earlier today, I will used this time to train him up in the way that he should go, wish me luck!

SealedWithAKisss SealedWithAKisss
36-40, F
6 Responses Mar 11, 2010

yeah, you can follow your children everywhere by HelloSpy

There is something familiar about the personality you project. I had the same dysfunctional childhood that you talked about and ..just like you did .. made certain pledges to myself regarding breaking the cycle.<br />
I went to 20 schools before dropping out in 10 grade. On my 17th birthday I joined the Navy. After my enlistment was completed I went into the world of sex,drugs and rock&roll. It has been quite a long journey with it's share of sadness, deaths and absolute abandonment of life's dreams. Then, the Lord sent someone ... I can't figure out why he did because there were many good people that were much more deserving then me.<br />
It's been 46 years since we married , we have a grown Son with a Masters Degree from The University Of Pennsylvania who loves the Lord with his whole heart ,plus we have the happiness that only comes from the security found in Salvation. <br />
Amazing Grace , How sweet the sound ... to save a wretch like me

Sounds great! :) You're a terrific Mom.

I totally understand, I can see why you would want your children to remember just the good times with you, and I'm glad that you survived, I hate cancer is an understatement! Sorry (hugs) My Son the lazy one is my trouble maker, and he used to shout out I hate Corey his twin, as I was disciplening him, I would say why Coreys not doing anything to you I am, and I completely set myself up for what he's now recently started and taking it out on me by saying nasty things to me like that. I would prefer he didn't say anything rude at all! I Try to show respect, to receive respect but they are now trying to out wit me, and just retaliate against me, it's hard and shouldn't be a battle, I do love my children deeply and would not want to give up loving them and showing that I do indeed love them with disciplen but, it sometimes backfires and I just keep pressing on. I will always tell them and show them how much I love them, but if that means that I have to get my two younger ones in the van to go and look for them when they should be helping out at home or doing homework I will, whatever it takes, I do feel love for them, which makes getting angry a little less often, but I won't stop even if it get's harder before it get's easier. Honestly I dread those teen years ahead of me yikes! As long as they don't get any girls pregnant before they are 20, as long as they don't start doing drugs and drinking under age, as long as they don't get so depressed that they try to commit suicide, as long as they don't, drop out of school, as long as they don't get caught up in crime of any sort, then I will be extreamly happy.

Hi! It's probably a good time to step back and take another look at your situation. I'm 51 years old, married with three teens. It's not easy. I can't tell you in this blog everything I've been through...what I'm still going through....but, if you want I'm happy to blog back and forth. I can tell you that there have been many days when I wished I'd never been born....then, I wouldn't know or have to deal with any of this....My major goal right now is just to keep them alive....raising kids doesn't come with easy answers...blaming whatever doesn't help...it's our situation, and for their sake we have to get through it....Keep talking with them...let them know (often) how much you love them no matter what....let them know that there are consequences to their actions, and that you will not always bail them out....that's because you love them so much....you love them enough to let them learn from their own mistakes....don't let them hurt themselves or anyone else....choose your battles.....sometimes we've overcompensated with our children because of things we went through in our past...my mother reminded me of Hitler...couldn't frown,couldn't grimace, never talked back...never even thought of it.....I developed cancer when they were in grades 1,2 and 6....The cancer I had had an even greater risk of reoccurance than even breast cancer (which it wasn't)...consequently, I was way to easy on them....loving...not good at discipline....I wanted them to just have good memories of me...not like the ones I had of my Mom....I wanted to live just long enough to raise them...to my surprise, I'm still here...they're in grades 7,8 and 12......Wow! I created a lot of problems....For one thing two of them aren't doing well in school at all.....and one of them swears at me like a truck driver on a daily basis.....The one that is doing well in school picks on me relentlessly...And, to think I had problems during my pregnancies...and actually risked my life to have them....I haven't given up....They're teens...they haven't hurt anyone (except me) and I'm hoping that someday they'll grow up and be at least decent human beings.....

Good luck !!! <br />
It is so hard raising children these days. I was wild but I feared my father because when I messed up he would whoop my azz real good, sometimes with a paddle and sometimes with a belt. The fear that I had for my father was the only thing that kept me in line. Unfortunatley we cannot give our kids a good enough azz whooping today ti instill that fear into them thanks to our government taking that right away from us. My dad used to beat me, but I deserved it and am glad he did. If a child has no fear why, for what reason would he listen to his parents and not do what he wants to do. Grounding don't seem to work, grounding does not induce fear. I really believe that our government should reverse this if they never do anything else again. You can't effectivley raise good children without them having some kind of fear of their parents. Sounds harsh, and it is sad but it is true.