My Screw Up Life

I am a 24 yr. old female im so lost and cant find my way back i have God in my heart and i trust him that he can make things better but sometimes i wish i just had some one to talk and say what i feel and think but i cant. My family is not that kind of people. My family is the type of people that judges you and believe that what ever you believe is wrong with you is just bcause you are a drama person. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters, my brrothers were never really there ever and with my sister the competition on everything when i was a little girl i was abandon by my father i never knew him i was only 1yr. old my mother was never there she was always working and when ever she was she would fight with us or hit us, to the point that i never trusted her to tell her how my youngest brother use to molest me and later on years my uncle. I had to grow up as a strong person independent from everyone i never trustedd no one how could i. When i was in elementary i was really goodin art i was great but as always my mom broke me down and she never gave me permision to go to school and study in that subject even tough school was willing to do it for free anyways i stopped painting and never got intrested on anything else. With struggles and all i was the first of my family to finish high school and get a diploma but after that i havent done much i dont have the money or the legal status its very deppressing and annoying it makes me hate me and everything about me i have dedicated my live to take care of kids of my brotherand sister and somethimes i believe that thats the only reason they have me around and they dont even pay me well they are always complaining how they dont have money always saying it in front of me well not to keep making this real long at the end i dont have money a job or a place i can call home im always living with my mom or brother or sisters it sucks i sometimes think of ending this live for good but not even for that i have the guts that is just the person i am.
12abi0387 12abi0387
22-25, F
May 21, 2012