A Tough Life

hello, this is a small portion of my everyday stressful life , 

first off ive always been on my own , ive been in the foster care system all of my life . 
my mother and father were never around to take care of me and my other siblings, shortly after cps got involved
me and my brother got placed in foster homes. father in jail now , mother nowhere to be found . skip ahead a bit , me and my brothers got split up . not very much contact very hard on a 10 year old. 2 years pass my mother passes away father still in jail . then my breother started doing drugs and over doses because of depression . other brother joined the army. where that leave me . ON MY OWN skip ahead a few yeaes again , here i am 18 years old , turning 19 soon. i live on my own . i have no family or anybody to turn to when im in need , i feel as tho this struggle and amount of responsibility is to much for. ive messed up in the past , i dont have a license anymore i walk to walk and live paycheck to paycheck , i drink my sorrows away every weekend , just lastnight i was up til 3 just crying wanting to give up . i really have no clue on what to do or even how to go about getting the sence of stability and knowing ill be okay on my own in this world. what to do , how do it . i need answers , help , love somebody to talk to , anything that can help . im clueless i dont even know what else to say so much is rambling thru my head right now
markisv93 markisv93
18-21, M
3 Responses May 28, 2012

Dude, ive beeen there, and understand you compleatly, some years ago. I was gone also and left alone with no family and a broken heart with a big dissilusion from both family and close loved ones. I was living all alone just about when i was 20 years old, barely finishing college and with a 15 hour job to sustain myself, meanwhile i finished my studies. I went though a very though depression, thoughts of suicide and really sad and lonely period. This led me to the abuse of many substances, and to reside on work as a way of dealing with my pain of loss and grief and the fact of the economical disttress for the really bad situation i was in. All this led me to even deeper into the hole since, the lack of money and the depressive feeling eating my soul away made me take a break from university, thinking i was going to get off better with the finantial situation but...wel... MANY OTHER tragedies happpened. BUT THIS IS NOT about me now, i write to advice you that youre not alone, theres some of us going through the same and i get you, and i get this feeling... BUt look for hope, i think something that has helped me allot is to try to look into my spiritual self (not religion) but within yourself and find that stregth. Try to find a way to fufill your dreams, and do whatever it takes. Dont stay in the sorrow trip i think you might just have a path for greatness. Hey the ones that triiumph ion life are not the ones that do everything correctly, its about the ones that fall but dare to try again and lift themselfs up and do it, those are the real heroes, those are the real humans that dare to overcome. Youre young, keep on. Im here for ya too, were barely an instant in the universe.

Right now i have a situation with my family for years now, a theme that ***** my mind up and makes me want to give up and go to perdition. I already did, but i change my ways and is not easy to keep up. I was looking for answers and i found your story. Im started to read the secret to keep my mind focus on what i want to do with my life, because i dont want to be left behind, i already lost couple of years of my life, i dont remember much. The thing is.. Use those tears and sorrow for your motivation, i know u dont want to live your life suffering, use them to focus yourself on what u really want to be, you can do it, if you already made it untill now, i now you can go further, thats what i say to myself too. This life is never fair, is made to cry and laugh, to be born without our concern, to live and die, its our job to make the most out of it no matter what, just to make our days better and ourselves. We need inner peace and that alone time meditate on life and our future, try to be wiser, this are important things in life. You got the experience in life, so you know faith. Read the book the secret i recomend it to you and keep living, this life wasnt made to be easy. Im Andrew and im 24, from Puerto Rico, born and raise, never been in the US and im looking for answers in life too. Hope this helps a bit at least.

Hang in there maybe find a local support group or try different churches