So Close To A Menal Breakdown

I've always struggled with wicked anxiety. It stems way back from my father who was quite abusive and yadayada. I'm 24 years old working full time as the manager of a grooming salon. My fiance who is so wonderful and i'm so blessed to have him works full time as a mechanic and gets about $350 a week. I am MISERABLE at my job. I loved it before I became manager and really the only reason I became manager was for the pay increase and so I could make the schedule. I was barely seeing my fiance when I was working just full time as a groomer. I have been doing very well at my job..until they find something to bring me down about. I was so excited we made $2000 over our plan. Which is not a common thing. only for them to pretty much say nobody respects me in the salon and I got put on an 'action plan' TWO of them. I"m now on 3 which means I can't even transfer to a store closer to me. I have NEVER had an action plan before in my 2 years of working there. They seriously sit me down in a room and ***** at me about how I suck and nobody listens and that my 'plan of action' is to write other people up so they listen. I refuse. Long story short -- the old manager quit, i took over, the picked someone else to be manager, they quit, I took over as manager and they assumed I knew everything and never properly trained me and now i'm a basketcase of emotion.

I want nothing more than to quit and NEVER EVER EVER return. Only thing is I can't afford it till I find another job. I'm one of those people that needs to like have a plan too feel better and i'm trapped. I have so much managery stuff coming up and I can't even comprehend thinking about it.

I was so fed up I left work early tuesday and called off Wed. I had Thursday off but i go back tomorrow at 8 am and I can't even wrap my head around it. I know it doesn't even sound like much but there is SO much more than that. Sooooooooooooo much more. I feel so sick and i've been doing nothing but crying and feeling sick and I just can't afford to quit. Ic ould go back to full time and step down but I won't see myf iance EVER. OR i could go part time pick my hours lose my benefits and not have guaranteed hours.

I'm so mentally exhausted and I feel so trapped i tend to make very poor decisions. I'm SO emotional right now. Please help me.
Chelsfar Chelsfar
Nov 29, 2012