Save Me From My Self

hi everybody, i'm an algerian young man, i'm 20 years old, a student and i'm gay.
i had never have a relationship or sex relationship with anybody in my life, because it is my biggest secret.

in august 2012, i met a man on chatroulette, he is from usa ,he is gay too.i told him about my secret, we love eachother, and he is my first love .
when i skype with him, i always cry because i want to be with him, so i'm always sad and depressed....i don't eat, i don't focus in my study i always think about him, i always cry in my room, i'm worried about my mind.

he can't travel for me because of some raisons, so i have to do it me.but i don't have money to buy a visa even to pay for a holiday....

and to make this pain stop, i made to biggest and the hardest dicision in my life ;in august 30 , 2014 if i still faraway from him ,i will kill my self, i can't live with such biggest pain in my heart , i miss him so much....
i know that my family and friends will be hurted,but if i'll be alive the only one person who is hurted is me , so i don't have a choice....." to be happy or not to be".
I do my best to join him and save my life, i am ready to be a genius for that and ready to be married with an american girl so i can go, i'm ready to do crazy things for my life.

the time is going faster and i want to save my life......i need help
hurtedboy hurtedboy
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 16, 2012

You need to be stronger than you are.
Thinking of taking your life is just out of the nature of God.
Secondly if he love you he is able to come any time to your country and try to make thinks happened.
Thirdly move on, have fun, forget about him and relax as you will find your true love.

thank you bro...

being a young man comeing out gay is i think harder for men than woman my brother is gay and came out at 19 witch wos hard for him to and the man you met on the chat room witch i use as well could mean this is you first incounter with a nother man so feelings are strong you said this wos love but maybe because this wos your first encounter with a man and it is eazy to comunicate with him because you have done it before and you are proberly worried about meeting some one els and haveing to go through douse he like me am i doin the right thing feeling will pass sorry to say but if it wos love i think you both would of met each other by now dont ever think about killing your self as half way through you will regret it and it will be to late you are a young man of 20 who has got a lot of happy years a head of you with a partner.my brother wos in a dark place when he came out but now has a 6 year partner a flat and a dog so you hold out and you will find happyness some times it fineds you but most times you have to look for it.so your 20 get out there and have fun you only live ones dont wast it plz .

first, i want to tell you thank you for your comment, i think love is the best feeling, but without the one we love it is the worst one, i admit that i'm aiming for the bigest mistake in my life, yes i admit it, because i don't see another thing to do, i know it is not a solution to kill my self, but i want just to give up that day, because i can't live without my lover.....i think love makes me crazy...