Lying Till It Killed Me.

Where i live and come from might be different from what you usually know ,
Ive been blessed to have normal life through out my childhood and stable one, my family did everything for me and never done me wrong , though when grew up ive noticed lots of changes in me , i found out that i was gay and im living somewhere that being gay could get you killed , also ive found that i don't really like to study or stick to school attendance ...etc

I didn't like what my father planned for me , he wanted me to go to collage and study xx major ..... So i never wanted to dissapoint him and my mom, so i tried going to collage and i was forced to something i didnt fully want at the time , i was young and clueless to be honest ..

After the first year , ive been into playing online games and ive been doing it alot to escape the real life that i dont really like , because im not being who i am or doing what i want
and i found my gateway in online games which resulted in me dropping out of collage without my family knowing till this day ... years rolled by and i started to lie about everything classes , scores general life stuff and ive been progressing in lying that i almost started to belive it at some point ....i painted this fantasy life about the things ive done or do on a daily basis to my family and that went on for a long time.....and every time i get stuck in a corner stone about something i make a lie and the more i lie that more i have to lie and that progressed so far that i no longer can control it .... it should be my fifth year in collage now ...they think ive graduated when i really didn't go for 4 years.

Its killing me and i think its the end soon because it started showing on me really alot and i can no longer can control it , and in all these years ive been moving into things that distract me from what im doing or what im supposed to do , Bad friends , online games and drugs(not serious ones ) mostly...

I never was a man enough to own up to my parent , or be true to myself i was always so afraid of disappointing them that it ruined me.

I Know this is too much to read and my English isn't that great but i just felt like typing what i feel for the first time ,
An Ep User An EP User
3 Responses Jan 21, 2013

I think you have to tell this history to your parents like this happened to someone else at your school and ask them. What this person have to do to get back in real life?
I'm sure they will give best options, but after they have their thoughts you need to follow all rules they advice. If you still continue to lie than there is not more hope or good days for your life.

i dont have any idea yet.

what are you going to do now?