Post

My Mother-in-law Is A *****....

Every since my husband and i met and dated she has hated me from day one..why? i don't know i have always been nice and respectful to her, try to understand her feelings but, she makes nasty comments about me to other family members.When we got married she acted like she wanted to be my friend she would not even give my husband his own birth cerf. for verification we had to go get our own.... and now 6 years later it has never gotten better.She believe she has to know every thing that is happening in his life but not even talk to me. Now to this day . My brother-in law is in a realtionship and is happy she has accepted her like a queen that was until we became friends and do things together,now mother-in law is jeaulous or something. Now she want have anything to do with her and their baby is due anyday now..... mother-in law makes remarks about me to them and other family members . She even came over to our house for a cook out that my brother in law planned at our house it was bigger and didnt bring anything and never spoke to my husband or to me.. Never say thanks for the food or can i help with dishes or the hospitality or nothing....When my husband asked her why did she act that way....her reply was she was tired and hurting...I am the one who is getting ready for rotated cup surgery and i am nice and polite.... and brother-in law and gf i shaving a baby anyday...whats the problem??? any suggestion....

carolinagirl2 carolinagirl2 41-45, F 2 Responses Oct 12, 2009

Your Response

Cancel

I have the same kind of mother in law and 5 years later she's worse than before!!! She tries everything she can to break us up even to the point of setting him up to have an affair and be caught. We have 2 children together and I have 2 from my previous relationship. She accepts NONE of them. My brother in law's on and off gf is her best buddy but I am the evil one. She accuses me of cheating on my husband all the time. He has to stand up to her before she will even remotely stop and it never lasts long we have no decided to cut her out of our lives until she decides to act like an adult would. Maybe that would help for you. It's a hard decision to make but in the end were hoping it will work.

I read your story and my heart goes out to you. I have "adopta-kids" that have the same issues. Some people are unhappy and have to make everyone around them miserable. The trick with these people is not to let them make you miserable. I know that sounds difficult, if not impossible.

My adopta daughter came to me so many times in tears, crying and upset because of her partner's mother. She tried and tried to be kind and respectful to no avail. We sat one day and had a wonderful long chat about how she could not let this woman drive her crazy.

We came to the conclusion that her mother in law will never be satisfied or accepting of any partner her children have. No matter how good the person is, they will never be accepted. Most of the world thrives to be accepted by their newly aquired families, so this hurts alot when it happens.



First thing you need to do is get a thicker skin. If she says something acidic to you, then simply look her in the eye, say I'm sorry you feel that way, and walk away from her. Do not ever argue with these type of people. They simply thrive on making someone else miserable. If you don't give her what she wants, she will find someone else to manipulate. I don't think your hubby has to make a choice here. Always remember, he had no choice about becoming her child. He did have a choice about marrying you, and he did. He must think you are pretty wonderful to decide to spend his life with you! The most important thing is to make him aware without making him feel responsible or defensive over her actions. Always tell him you love him when you start to discuss events that happened. Don't make him feel like he has to take sides. That is the quickest way for a relationship to deteroriate.

I offered my adopta daughter the following tips on handling difficult people:



1. Don't waste your energy fighting with this woman. She sounds like she has to be right no matter what.



2. Hold her accountable for her actions and her words.

If she says something that is hurtful to you, look straight at her and ask her why on earth she would ever say something like that. Then ask her if she has any idea that things like that are hurtful. Hold her responsible for her wagging tongue. Most people like her have been let slide and hurt people just because they can.



3. Remind her in a kind way that there is no need for hostitility. She is hubby's mother. That will never change, nor should it. She probably in some warped way feels threatened by you. Maybe she thinks her son won't have anything to do with her as he grows closer to you.



4. Don't tell these people anything. The more information they have, the more they will use against you. Keep conversation to a bare minimum or discuss things like the weather, current events etc. Treat her like a co worker that you don't get along well with. Maintain your distance, it will keep you safe.



5. Talk to your sister in law and simply suggest, for the sake of peace in the family, that you don't discuss anything that you do with your sister in law with your mother in law. It takes a great deal of effort on all parts, but at some point the mother in law will get the hint that none of you are going to put up with her garbage.



6. If you hubby is supportive of you and not terrorized by his mother, get him to sit down with her and have a respectful conversation about how she treats you and why. All he needs to let her know is that she is hurtful and disrespectful to you and it hurts him. If she cannot temper her tongue and be at least polite, then perhaps you both need to present a united front and show her that her behavior will not be tolerated. If she cant be civilized, then you won't attend family functions until she does. This has to be done by hubby and not you. If you do it, then she will have the ammunition she needs (or thinks she needs) to go running to your hubby and tell him that you are trying to destroy the family.



7. Remind yourself constantly that you did nothing wrong. Be as nice to her as your stomach can tolerate. That way, at the end of the day, you know you did nothing wrong and can love the person you see in the mirror every day. Hubby will appreciate how hard you are trying to make the best of a difficult situation as well.



8. If all else fails, and you cannot make any headway, simply remove yourself from the situation. If he needs to go to his parent's place on his own, then so be it. At least you will not be put in the line of fire.



I hope you have a wonderful day.

Take Care,

Tess =)