I Need To Talk To Someone...if They Dont Mind Lisning

Hi...im 15 ..and eveything in my life....just sorta sucks right now my little sister who is in 5th grade was sexually assulted and i dont know how to handel everything coming at me!!! i feel like im unlovable and tht no one could care about me ...ever...i mean how could they im so selfish and mean... and ...i hve no selfconfidece.... i dont know how to talk really in front of ppl bc i freeze up and start studdering and i keep everythin bottled up and dont let anyone in ever.. and i tryed to let someone in and as soon as i did and got close to them...they drop me .... they probly hate me now and im so scarerd... i dont want to think about death but i just do... i want to live but i cant find a way to...cant find a reson to...cant do anything...im so worthless sometimes... and no one could care about wat i hve to say..