I don't know what to do. I think I finally got to the point of actually being crazy. It's been trying to grab hold of me for years. 2012 broke me with deaths and lots of stress. I can't go backwards, I can't go forward. My glass house is shattered. My protectors are gone. It's scary without them. I can barely function.

I do need help...but help for what? To do what? To go where? My inner struggles arn't going to change.

As a kid I knew I would die young. I didn't want to because I still had hope. But I had a feeling.

In the immediate future I don't know what's going to happen. I just know that I'm tormented by my mere existence.
orchid00 orchid00
26-30, F
5 Responses Jan 27, 2013

You don't have to ask of others what you should be doing, or what you can do. The answer is whatever you want to.
You have the ability to create your own reality, your own world. With a big inhale of courage, and the knowledge that you are capable and you are here, now, in this moment, you can do anything you put your mind to. Don't know what you want to do? That's a great place to start. Try and live and find what gives you pleasure and contentment, and commit to it. If you have any truly special people in your life, concentrate on making those relationships stronger. In the face of death, life becomes real, scary-real. But with the knowledge of how frail life is, comes the crossroad-decision: Do I sit on the edge and watch what the unknown, questions unanswered and fears fed, or do i jump because it's the only way to experience anything positive? Take it moment by moment, and become your savior friend and guide on your own journey.

you poor thing. since i can remember i never thought i would see 40 (still dont). you have lost everything but thats when you find yourself. if you need to chat just message me - would love to try and help :)

No one knows what will happen in the future, but the only way to find out is to deal with the present. I was part of the generation that thought I would be dead by 30, yet I'm twice that age now. I spent 40 years oin active drug addiction but I am 3 years clean and sober now. Life isnt always good, but I can deal with the bad, today.

I'm going through a divorce after a 40 year marriage. I try to understand, accept and forgive both my wife and myself for what has happened. I'm pretty happy these days. I'd like to try to help you but only if you feel safe in asking and want my help.

It sounds like 2012 was a pretty tough year! It's impressive that you came out the other side, still sane, still able to reach out and communicate with others on here. That shows you're stronger than you admit -- stronger than I would be, I think!

Although trials and bad times come....they are but for a season......I know that doesnt particularly help or make things feel better right now, but if youre still breathing...I believe there is a reason for your existence. As you get past this time, I am confident youll find your path...and never ever be afraid to ask for help....and you can find me anytime you need to talk