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I Am Going To Do It

I am going to kill myself soon. I can't stand being beaten and sexually abused by my parents. School I horrible all the teachers hate me. All my classmate hate me and call me word and emo and ugly. I just don't talk anymore the less I talk the more scars. I cut. I cut a lot. They are getting deeper it's an addiction. But as the blood drips I feel the emotional pain go out it doesn't go away forever but the feeling even for a second that there aren't a thousand pounds on my shoulders feel great. I don't know I have pills in my drawer I bought bleach. I don't want to. But I feel if I so I won't suffer anymore. The only reason I wouldn't is because of my brothers but I just don't know how long I can take this.
An Ep User An EP User 5 Responses Feb 8, 2013

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Please don't do it. ..
I know you are so suffering now. and you are not the only person who going through this..

please don't do it! at least try to think about the one that you care the most, your brother??
if yes! .. Don't you care how he will feel about this??
and if your kill yourself, don't you think your brother will be the one who hurt the most?

Please, keep faith. you just having bad/hell days but it will get better and you will get through it, I promise!
Just be strong, give it time.

At lease, you have someone here who you don't even know about them but we are showing you lots of caring and let you know your life is worth.

Thanks.. I won't buy when's bro doesn't need me idk

You sound young, don't kill yourself...once you get past highschool none of that stuff matters. Nobody cares what you wear, who you hang out with, people will judge you by who you are, and what your accomplishments are.

Stop cutting yourself right away..seek help.

I'm sorry but I know all of that is true and I am young. But , my dad is not the best person and my mom who was a good person abandoned me a couple weeks ago. So I can't get help in counseling. But if I did find a way to get a hospital and get help without a choice I can't get Eli without harming myself and having someone notice and getting me help my family won't and I am a minor. There is no school counselor at my school.

I am sorry for what you're going through. It isn't fair but I admire your strength and wisdom in reaching out. If i can help you, please let me know.

Thank you

We can't run away from our problems with death..it just leaves more pain for those around you. We can't change our environment but we can change ourselves. Start by being positive and do something constructive that makes you happy...what makes you happy?

I hate disappointing people and would never want to I can't do it then. I will try thanks for the feedback

I love to dance and longboard music and that's it. I will just live I dance and longboard and drown out all the horrid of life with music

Sounds like you're having a pretty horrible time. I'm sorry. You're in the right place though -- there are lots of people who've been there and understand!

Do you have someone in real life who knows what's going on?

Drop me a message if you want, or reply here. But I'd like to know more either way.

I dot have anyone I am trying to turn it around for me. It's just hard

Yes, I know. Things must have got bad to get you to this point. Have they been bad before? How did it work out?

Well my dad drinks a lot. When he drinks he would beat my mother. But she left. She didn't take me and my two little brothers though. She left us to stay with my dad. When she left my dad would come home drunk and try to seduce me. School I have no real friends frankly I don't trust them and they don't like me. Girls call me names. Boys want me to do things that I won't do but for some reason I am still a **** and I d int know I have been waiting for the time when people say you'll see light and that light had completely faded away. I don't want to try but I can't leave my brothers they need me.

Stay strong for ur brothers.They need u more than anything.If u died who will defend them from ur dad.Youre needed.

How old are you? If you don't mind me asking.

I grew up in alcoholic home .saw dad on weekends but lived with mom and siblings.my mind is messed,been so since young and I dream of suicide some days and other days I feel as though I have a right to be here. U dont want to leave your brothers...good for you.they need u as much as u need them.and im sorry your mom abandoned you.when our parents fail us the pain is sooo severe.i mean,they made us and then ditched us.whats wrong with me...right? I dont have all the answers,im searching always because I have 3 girls that need my love and I just cant leave them.i couldnt make them feel abandoned to...just like ur brothers.if ur gone...its just ur dad and them.u are their chance in life.ppl say if ur mind not good etc,u shouldnt help others....i disagree....when my life totally sucks...i find a focus..my girls,reading,praying,bikinng...you have your brothers and u can find other focuses.dont give up...strengthen

Thanks I am glad to see such a one on one view. I can't leave my brothers I am their mother to me I am much older than them and have always taken care if them so I can't. I think I am going to try to get us I live with my aunt.

I am 13 almost 14. I don't min but I am not going to tell all of my information because well it's nt safe.

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