I Really, Really Do Not Know What To Do.I need help, but I don't know how to explain it. To many people, my problems are insignificant and quite trivial, I understand that, because I know some people that have been through so much more than me and have survived to tell the tale. But I really am stuck, and I really need help.
I have a boyfriend. He is a really lovely person, who is kind and thoughtful. We've been going out for about two months now. I love him very much, but our relationship has so many problems. For a start, I am a real ***** to him. For instance, he always wants to meet up (he dropped out of sixth form so has a lot of free time) and I am constantly saying yes, then when it gets to the day, saying no, because I have lots to do. I am a busy person, with orchestra, violin practise, my A Levels and university things to sort out. This makes him really hurt, and makes me feel so awful. I can't seem to stop hurting him. Any normal guy would dump me, but he really loves me. And this is where the second problem comes in. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He's only 16 (a mature 16, so I'm not that much of a cougar), but he is so sure that I am who he wants to be with forever. As much as this sounds horrible, I am just not ready for this! We've been going out for 2 months and admittedly we are really close, but I am not ready to be that devoted to someone else. I have the rest of my life to lead, university and meeting new people. Now, maybe I should just break it off, if we clearly are not equal? But this is the third problem, he seriously scares me. Not because he is abusive, no. He is really, really insecure. He hardly ever believes that I find him attractive, or that I love him, and so I constantly have to say, yes, I love you, yes, I find you attractive and I want you. He self harms, and tells me that I am the only thing in his life that is worth living for. He has thousands of sleeping pills in his room, and he so often says that there is no point being alive, or that everything would be so much better if he didn't exist. He believes that he won't live past 21, and he honestly thinks that he won't achieve anything. He has no money, wants no job, spends his only money on weed, and fears he will end up living on the dole. I fear that if I break it off with him, I would either damage him irreparably, or kill him. He is such a nice person and I REALLY hate hurting him, but it doesn't seem fair on him that I'm not as in love with him as he is with me. That I'm constantly taking from him and he's constantly giving.
I'm not sure if anyone will read this long passage, but I really don't know what to do. I'm hoping for a miraculous miracle, someone or something with a magic wand to wave over this mess and fix it, so no one is hurt. I don't think that will happen, but any words of help, even if you agree with me and think I am a total ***** who really deserves nothing at all, would be lovely, and I'd appreciate them.
IamcalledS 18-21, F 2 Responses 0 Feb 15, 2013