Is It Out There?

I need help. Talking to me doesn't do it. I mean, I listen to what people say. It makes sense, I believe it  might work. But, my doubts seem to out weigh my ambitions, by far. I just don't know what to do, I don't know where to start. You can write out the steps, but I still won't know how to do it. I'll get scared I'll fail, I'll get nervous of commitment to just life in general, I'll start to feel alone and degrade myself; when I feel this way, the only thing I know to turn to is drugs, to just get high would make my day beautiful, I'll enjoy myself. Being alive won't be painful. I think, I might need help.