Will the Nitemare Ever End

I havent been to this site for sometime. It felt good getting things that have been held up inside me for so long out,but at the same time, It will always be there. I was hopeing someone who had NDE would come forth and talk with me. I feel alone in it but yet I know many have been there. And also the fear that will never leave me of medical attention. At the rate im going I wil be dead when a doc will be allowed to see me. That is how much I freak at knowing I need to see a doctor. To be so horrible abrused by the medical profession, will I ever be able to trust that one will treat me right.. I relive the tragic nitemare on a daily basic several times a day it plays back in me as I cry. Terribe flashbacks I have to live for the rest of my life...
In case I didnt talk about it but I think I have.
I have been wrongly done in the medical field a couple of times. But one so drasticly mel practic it damaged me for life EMOTIONALLY. One was molested by a doctor.Funny,I can even deal with that.
But to let me stay in bed unable to get out of bed at all. coulndt roll over without severe pain. The doctors wanted to assume it was my back. I begged for a blood test after a couple of months went by. A person who deals with homapatic medicine came to see me and said,you many many toxins running thru your body,you need to get a blood test.
I even told my doctor that.He wouldnt allow a home nurse to come out to do that. He response was ,no one can read your eyes...being this girl said by looking in my eyes that I was sick,,had lots of toxins in me andneeded a blood test..I begged ,cried ,,did what I could to get the doctor to get blood work done on me,HE REFUSED. Finally ,from march to july stil in bed,unable toget out ,having to use a dirty bed pan over and over till someone came home to dump it. Crying ,wondering if im gonnna die the pain was so intense and I was stuck in bed. I fianlly dropped my HMO to be able to go to a county hospital. The homapatic girl gave me some stuff to drink that she said will treat my insides like a baby. and to use it ,so by sept I was weak but healed enough to get to a county hospital. They did blood work on me to see my white count was very high. and I was dehydrated. They did a ultra sound to see I had gall bladder problems.
So I stayed in hospital just for some IV and tests. But then was released next day. I was put on a waitin list to have my gall bladder removed.
They had to move up my date so I had it done Jan 2,1990.
The doctors told me before surgery that my surgey would take about 45 min,. But when I got out of surgery ,they told me I was in surgery for several hours due to the fact my Gall Bladder has been previously lazerated .Meaning it had burst open. So all those months in bed screaming with severe pain and couldnt get help wondering if I was gonna die. And the proof was in the pudding. MY GALL BLADDER was LAZERATED. GOD had to be on my side. I COULD HAVE DIED....BUT I drank this stuff from this girl. That helped mend the gall bladder and to get strong enough to seek a visit to a doctor come sept,,,but from march thru sept before I was strong enough to get help... so a total of 7 months in bed.. No bath,,,,dirty bed pans,,,In such pain,Id scream with the slightest move. And couldnt get any help. Cant say Im proud of our DOCTORS here in USA.
I relive this NITEMARE daily . The tears are painful and the NITEMARE relives my body seveal times a day,where I burst into tears and fear the thought of a doctor.I"Ve been sick now for since summer of 2003 and I stil cant go to a doc for treatment. Guess that is why I relive the nitemare several times a day now just knowing how much I am in the need of medical care. But each time I know I need to seek help the NITEMARE relives and stops me... All I do is relive it .What a NITEMARE HUH

thirdeye thirdeye
51-55, F
Jan 13, 2007