Dead EndFrom early childhood until college I had a fairly normal life. After I graduated I had a good entry level job in my chosen field (psychology major, worked with adolescents). Then I met "him". I got married quit my job because he wanted me to, didn't get a new one because he wanted me to stay home and work for him. Surprise Surprise, I ended up in a loveless marriage, married to an emotionally abusive man. Used me up emotionally and tossed me to the curb 3.5 years ago. I was married for 9 years and the first 3 or so weren't bad, but after that it became apparent that I was stuck, he had somehow alienated me from friends and family so I was stuck with only him.
3.5 years ago I was kicked out of my home. I was lucky and family took me in but in reality I was homeless. No job, no friends, sketchy relationship with my family. It took a year to get the divorce final (he didn't expect me to fight). He was required to do certain things in the divorce, which of course he did not do. SO, had to take him back to court. Over 2 years of fighting later I finally had to quit the fighting. He has fled the country, defaulted on loans, let the house go into foreclosure. I am now receiving collection calls daily. I've had to go through debt consolidation and even that might not be the answer because I am not even sure with my paltry salary I can afford to pay the monthly fee on.
I have been getting my masters degree the past 2 years but with the economy the way it is no one is hiring anyone who has experience and I can't afford to take a job at entry level pay. I do work but would like to get a new job to use my degree.
For the past 3 years (and longer if you count the bad years of my marriage), I have been utterly alone. Years of abuse have left me untrusting of others. I have been in therapy for this but it is still difficult. Deep down I just feel that anyone that would be interested in being with me would be a person who wants nothing more than to have someone to treat like crap. I've never been in a relationship with another person where I was not treated like a second class citizen. Therapy has helped though. I am ready to make that leap and try and trust another person but everywhere I turn I see happy couples. Single men do not exist I am pretty sure. If they do exist I don't know where to find them nor am I entirely sure that they would be looking for me.
I feel stuck. I have goals but it seems like every time I work hard to achieve those goals I am met with a giant wall that I can't get around or knock down.
Obsidyan22 36-40, F 2 Responses 0 May 9, 2011