I'm Young But I Have Had A Life That Feels At An End.

I need hope in my life. As a child my parents were drug addicts and my father abused me. My mom was more interested in drugs when i was young than rasing me right. One day when i was fifthteen i had enough of it and i decided to run away. I had a kinda big group of best friends back than when i was young but we were there for each other and lived for each other. Two weeks after i had ran away i was afraid my dad was going to find me ( just so you know my dad meant his best but would loose his temper sometimes, so at that age it was scary), so i sent three of my best friends to my house at night to steal my dad's truck for me. I was young and dumb and regret this more than anything i have ever done but my dad was kinda drunk and he shot one of my best friends. I lost my whole life at this point. All my friends almost turned there back on me, people i had grew up with my whole life. I became homeless because when i went home the house was boarded up, all my stuff gone, and i couldn't find my mom. Fifthteen years old no where to go. I lived on the streets until about almost seventeen when i got a job doing masonary for a perverted man. he would just make comments but i really needed the job so i ignored it. I got raped living on the streets a few times and had to excape being kid napped for 3 months at gun point as well. Finally i got my own place in Big Bear California when i received a phone call just shortly before my 18th birthday and it was my mom. She had found me and was living in Hawaii. So right after i turned 18 i moved to Hawaii. Well i had a job for awhile but when there was no more work i had to move to the beach. Home less again and now a complete drunk until 20 when out of no where  i meet this guy that seemed just right. So i started seeing him and a week later we broke up. Three months later i find out i'm pregnant with a baby boy and i was homeless and a drunk. So i instantly quit drinking and doing some drugs i had been on and called the guy and told him. He moved me in right away and took responsibilty. Though he has a way of hurting me emotionally were still working on it. Anyways now i'm 22 and all my old best friends i grew up with are ether dead from killing themselves or living like ****. I have no one to look to and i feel like there is not much point to life anymore. I have a wonderful son but looking at life i just don't see how it can really be good for anyone to live life out, it's so depressing and it makes me sad for my child. I would never kill myself or do anything stupid but i'm begaining to feel life is pointless and just don't get it anymore.

kristime kristime
22-25, F
3 Responses Mar 4, 2010

I too was homeless in California, and have had many struggles in my life. Yet even as a kid I use to ask myself what is the purpose in life, why am I here, why am I who I am. It all boiled down to one night I again asked God what is the point of all this. Then God called me and changed words before my face to say I love you. This is when I realized life is about God's love, but because we do not understand it as such we go through the roller coasters of life without any purpose. We don't get life because it is truly in Christ Jesus. Jesus said I have come that you may have life and that abundantly. John 10:10 God desires us to live for something other than ourselves, for His glory, and to share His love. It's a struggle because this world is full of wickedness, but walking with Jesus is worth it. Hope this helps, God bless.

O wo that is an old post. I am 24 now and I left the guy I was dating back then, he started abusing me and now were doing through heavy court battles. On a good note I ma now attending college, have my own place and things have been getting better, although I do struggle for money being a single mom and all, I make it. I don't do any drugs or drink still and my family has become very supportive since the break up with my son's dad. Also since then I met a wonderful guy who is extremely helpful and loves my son to death as well as me and we are engaged. I have had a crazy life and I think it's starting to fall into place a bit more. The only bad things going on at the moment which I am having a better time dealing with after the life I have already lived so far is, My mom has breast cancer and two more of my friends had killed themselves since the last post. My mom is taking well to the treatment though and I am seeing a therapist who is helping me tremendously! O and I'm still in Maui and I haven't came to this site since I posted that message years ago.

This is a very old post.... do you still come to this site? What has happened in your life. Where are you at now?