Emotionally Unavailable

Hello. I just joined yet again another social netwroking type site. I really like this one. I come on here thinking that i would just pity myself and discuss my woes. I have done this, yes, but i'm finding that I'm not so alone in my experiences. This has made me more optimisstic i think.

I am very alone though. I am ashamed of my sexuality sometimes, especially since i live in a small town, and its hard to be me all the time.I also battle with depression, anxiety, and alcoholism. I can say i need more gay friends, i only have a few, that live many miles away from me, most on the internet, but its hard to be a friend when you are emotionally unable to give yourself to someone like i am.

Most of my freindships have been centered around drugs, or partying, or people i meet in 12 step groups, I find it hard to relate wiht other people on an everyday sort of level without bringing them down. i want to build up my self confidence, its hard when i base my confidence on how much i weigh.

i dont think im going anywhere with this so im going to shut up.

brightstarlit brightstarlit
22-25, M
3 Responses Jan 25, 2009

It sounds as if you feel really isolated from the rest of society and very confused about who you are. If you feel emotionally unavailable, you need to take care of yourself and not worry about what everyone else thinks. I think Dr. Seuss said it best, "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Sometimes though, the ones we value don't always accept the things we do but it's important to know what you value about yourself and others. Keep your focus on your feelings and not theirs! Don't compromise who you are to please others. I would encourage you at this time that if you feel confused and uncomfortable to accept it and not turn to outlets like alcohol to numb the pain...the pain will always be there when you sober up and you just exacerbate your problems. Take this time to give back to yourself until you feel emotionally available again. It's ok to feel uncomfortable and sad, sometimes it's just a process to accept who we are in essence as a human being, just don't get too caught up in it and talk yourself through it. Just because something feels uncomfortable does not mean that it's not healthy and sometimes the things that comfort us the most are extremely unhealthy for us. I know it may be easy for people to give advice but I have actually lived by this example and I know how uncomfortable it is to find true acceptance in oneself, I hope you can do the same. I hope this helps. -Ronnie

Great reads both the story and that reply. I don't really have anything to suggest except for one thing caught my eye... the bit about your weight. Why ba<x>se anything on your weight? So many people in the world of loads of different weights, loads of them happy, loads of them unhappy... just be happy with it. It's not normally a big deal even when people think it is. Are you considering yourself to be too fat? Too thin? Either way most of the time with people it's just about inner anxieties nothing really to do with actual health concerns or whatever. And definately nothing to do with attractiveness, if that's what's in your mind.

Wow, just reading the first couple sentences made my heart swell up. I feel like we're in the same boat. First off, thanks for speaking your mind, if you dont bring the issues out in the open, then you'll never getn an understanding for the....easier said than done. but that why we're all here is it not?<br />
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tell me if this somewhat relates to your own situation. your openly gay, and everyone knows, but for some reason in the back of your head you think that its wrong and you think that everyone, parents especially might hate you for it, even though they said it was "ok". Depression, anxiety, alcoholism, and drugs are also issues I deal with everyday of my life, and have been for quite some time. You hate bringing up your REAL problems with your friends, even the closest ones, because you know, not think, they'll understand or not think of things the way you do, so you go back to your hiding place in your head. I was molested by my bestfriend when he brought me over to his house one day in middle school. This also contributs to the fact that I feel completely alone, depressed, useless, worthless, disgusted, and ashamed with myself, not just because of my sexuality, but other things as well. Another thing, I consider myself gay, yet I have never even been with a guy before. I have kissed a guy, but nothing more than that...lets just say that im not so good with people. <br />
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Its like being mentally blocked in a prison with no bars. Like, you know what the problems in your life are, but just dont know how to fix them. or maybe you know how to fix them, but see no motive to actually go out and do it.<br />
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everyday is just a repeat of what you did the day before, which is always putting on a happy face for everyone, but having hundred and hundreds of thoughts going through your head about how things could be better, but you cant tell anyone you consider a "friend" because you dont know how they would react to the situation, let alone think less of you.<br />
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whoever made the quote, "You cant love anyone untill you love yourself" hit the nail on the head.<br />
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which is hard for anyone who deals with situation like these, becase on top of EVERYTHING your dealing with, you now have to worry about why your depressed and think that all the thoughts running through head arent normal, which makes you feel worse. hahaha, thats just my personal experience, I ramble too much.<br />
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just know that your not the only that feels this way about these sort of things