How I Got Here.

So, Before I begin my story. I will state where I am at now in my life. I am a teen mom. 18 years old. I have not stared college yet. My daughter is 3 months old. the father is not around. I live with my parents who are supportive. I graduated High school in three years. I combined my jr and senior year into one.
Lets Begin.
When I was a freshman I was attending a private school. I started dating a guy who attended a public school, and I wanted to go so bad. At the private school I was best friends with one girl and one guy. and too this day we are still close. But anyways. My best friend has always been a rebel I guess you could say. and I was always the good girl never wanted to lie or get in trouble. But during my freshman year, she dated a guy that went to a public school, and I dated his brother. You would think that would be pretty cool right? no. It would be cool if the guys weren't white trash. That is when I began to spin out of control. Let me also add this. She and I have the lowest of the low of self esteem. That is why we have always gravitated towards trashy guys. Anyway. I dated the guy and finally convinced my parents to go to the public school. First huge mistake. The school in general helped with my grades by the way the classes where set up. The guy and I broke up after a couple of weeks of me attending school. He is now in jail. I then started dated guys who where into drugs. I just wanted so badly to fit in and I guess in my mind those guys where the only guys who would accept me. I dated one guy when I was 16 turning 17 and he was 22. we dated for almost a year. he was not into drugs, but he was into sex. so that is where i spent a lot of my sexual experiences with. he ended up cheating on me the entire time we dated. I dated this guy I will call him M. HE is the one who got me into pills. I soon ended up in  A LOT of trouble with my parents. when I was disconnected to him, I was in the process of deciding if I wanted to graduate early, and I did. the week I decide, I was transfer ed in the adviser class where I met the father of my child. Now if you saw a picture of him and me, you would think why in the world is she with him. and we go back to the self confidence factor that I am lacking terribly. We was known at school for being well, The go to guy for pot. and I never was a big smoker.  cigs yes but really nothing more.we dated for 3 months when i found i was pregnant. HE wanted nothing to do with me. He told lies about me and just acted like I didn't exist. Oh at graduation, he sat two sets down from me, and never spoke a word. In school I struggled to find friends. I would go from one group of girls to another and when I was pregnant I was friends with theses girls who we have been tight for a while then. Well becoming pregnant really showed  who was a true friend. and it also opened my eyes to life. I am now a mom and I have always suffered from depression and anxiety but it has def gotten worse after I had her. and I just wish I could go back in time and just redo everything, I love my daughter with all my heart, but I will never be able to give her a life that she deserves. I considered adoption, but my parents said I needed to keep her, that we could afford it. But I second guess myself on adoption now. only because I feel like a family with a mom and dad will be able to give her the life she deserves. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and I want to know my reason. I am scared of the future, My body is destroyed from being pregnant. i picked up smoking cigarettes again. never around my daughter. i.m just stuck in this deep depression living in a life of regret. and i know that is no life to live but i cant seem to change this thought of negativity.
abrooke323 abrooke323
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 14, 2012

I am a lot older, and have lived through many, many mistakes. I believe the biggest mistake was that I didn't love or trust myself enough to make the right decisions for myself. I allowed people to tell me who I was and what I should do. I take responsibility for all of it, but I also work to forgive myself. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I have learned that my life is just that, mine. Before I decide to listen to anyone, I listen to myself. If I still don't know the right way to go, I talk with someone I really trust. I have friends, a counselor, and family that I talk with. But in the end, I decide what is best for me. Maybe what I have learned can help you......From your story I see a smart young lady, who has seen her mistakes and chosen another way.....I see a good mother, who is trying to chose the best for her daughter....what I see is a lovely young lady who is doing the best she can....Blessings to you....