I Need To Change

I am so unhappy with myself. So totally and completely unhappy with my life and the way i live it..those of you reading this, please continue to read and then leave your comments below...i am desperate for advice and some sort of guidance. I just dont know what to do..thats my main problem..i dont know WHAT to do to fix this..im not even sure i know what exactly is wrong with me. all i know is that each day i wake up angrier and angrier because i dont know how to fix my problems. I am so insecure...thats predominantly whats wrong me..i have immense, deep seated insecurities..i dont know where they came from or what i can do to fix them but they're there and they're killing me. funny this is, ive never been through anything traumatic in life..there's nothing monumentally wrong..but i still feel this way. which just makes me feel worse. My insecurities are getting worse day by day. I feel ignored and rejected by everyone around me..i feel like im invisible and that no one talks to me or looks at me..i feel unpopular..i feel like im just not important. i constantly get mad at people because i feel like they're ignoring me and ive ruined so many of my friendships because of this. i always run after other people's approval..their praise means everything to me...i feel like i have so many faults and that im the worst person in the world. I used to write but ive lost my confidence and i just dont feel like i can do it anymore. anything i do, like interning somewhere, just doesnt make me happy because i always feel so stupid. i honestly feel like i have no knowledge about anything. i feel so ignorant and unintelligent..i want to fix this so bad. how do i feel good about myself? Anything i attempt in my life just doesnt satisfy me because my insecurities get in the way...i fell like ill fail or im not doing as good as some other person..and i have such incredible anger issues. i snap at everyone around me and that makes me feel so terrible all the time..i say such bitter hurtful things but i dont know how to stop..i think negatively about everyone in my life..i get so annoyed so easily and then i say something in retaliation and then i worry that person's mad at me...its the same pattern over and over again...how can i stop doing this? i hate being so angry and petty. deep inside, im a nicer person..i like beauty and happiness and loving people but EVERYTHING like my frustration and anger just makes me forget all of that...i dont know how to bring that side of me out..i deal with anger in such an unhealthy way...i hold on to it and keep thinking about it till it makes me madder. i can be vengeful and catty. how do i change this viscous way of thinking? its so toxic to me...but i dont know what to do about. please someone recognize whats wrong with me and how i can make it better
redtoshiba redtoshiba
18-21, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

Hey girl, I kind of know how you feel... It's hard when you have no idea of what to do to change part of yourself. Insecurity is something hard to deal with, cauz that depends just on you. <br />
I don't know exactly what to do to change, but a few things might help you... Try to accept yourself first, sometimes we criticize people because we're not happy with ourselves. I'm trying to do that. <br />
Going for a walk while listening to music may also help you to relax and think better. Try to do things that make/made you happy, it'll probably help...