I'm 19 and I feel like I really lost my motivation. Let me tell you why.
I entered college two years ago, but i'm not satisfied, want to try another career. I feel like I have the capacity to start again, at least most of the times. But well, I live with an (emotionally) abusive father, and since I can't find any job yet, I'm really far from having a life and it makes me so unhappy. Sometimes I have faith my dreams will come true, I'm gonna find a job I like, hang out with more friends, visit other countries, have my own house. But after a while I just get depressed, feel like I have no future, that I'll never get to get away from my father's control, and just want to cry all day. It's been tough, I want to find motivation to move on, but i just can't. Just being close to my father's toxic presence makes me sad, even when he's doing nothing, and even though his words doesn't affect me that much anymore, my memories and my strong desire to leave seems to work in the opposite way that they should sometimes. Without work, money, life of my own, I can't leave and be free. But without being free, how can i find strength to fight to have all of this?
Well...That's all I had to say. Thank you for reading.
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May 10, 2012