Under Achiever

the same as how i go for jobs i dont really want, and lifestyles i dont want, i tend to end up in friendships i dont want either. my 'best' friend has recently just text me a bit of a bombshell. "thinking of moving to france". i would be happy for her if i felt that she supported my decisions too. but nope, nothing. the last time i told her of my death attempts and ridiculous behaviour, she told me i was selfish. she then did not contact me for over a month, another measley text. before that i said to her "well yknow this isnt the first time, i used to have cuts all up my arm a few years back" "i know" "you know?" "i know, i saw them" "why didnt you say anything?". she changed the subject. i enjoy being neglected i guess, learned patterns. i am angry at her. guess i was right, its not a real friendship, its a drinking buddy.

piggygoff piggygoff
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 29, 2007

That's not a good friend. Well, not necessarily bad though. Some people just don't have a capacity to care in that way. I had a friend that I told some stuff to and he ignored me. But he had other ways of showing he cared. Maybe that's how she is.<br />
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I feel like the way to go is not having close relationships so you don't get hurt. Just, you know, fun drinking buddies. But it's hard not wanting them.

Sometimes people fear that those who are making atemps on their life are doing it because they want a spotlight. I am in no way saying thats you, but maybe your firend has misjuged you and is "trying" (though poorly) to help by not paying heed. People do that with little kids all the time. I really dont like it when people do that. Im not trying to defend her, but sometimes its easer to take poeple<br />
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I used to want to kill myself. I had nothing to do with the person i am today and i dont even think of it anymore because time has gone on and i see that no matter how hard it is things will change and you will have new chances. That time in my life brought me so much closer to God- after all the crud that is. I used to feel like the people i cared about were my reason to live, but now i see that people will always fail you. Its crule to put them on a standard that doesnt alow that. That makes things easer, ya know?

certainly doesn't sound like a two way street to me. any type of relationship takes a degree of investment on both ends. you get out of anything what you put into it. so ... i wouldn't be so sorry to see her go. there are lots of drinking buddies out there! ;-)

Hugs!! I hope she realises what a great friend you are before it's too late.