My Life In A Nut Shell

Well Im 22 years old and I have had a rough childhood and I dont know why.I have always felt that my parents loved my brother more.I started to do drugs when I was 15 in the car with my brother and his freinds.I started to run away from home shortly afterwords.I met this guy that was my brothers freind I just think he was using me for sex he was 23.I got involved with his drug selling freinds and started living with one.I finally got caught and went to jail for a year.that was hell.Locked up in a place with no windows and bars everywere.I got out no worst for wear and started going back to school.I graduated high school and met this freind of my brother we started to hang out and next thing you know im moving out of my parents house and into his.we got married later that same year.We were joking around one day and he said something about me looking so good I could work in a ***** club.I thought he was joking but I thought It was a good idea.So I started working for a ***** club I liked it it brought in great money.Well working there and spending all my money on makeing my man happy and what does he say to me.that he wants me to stop working there.I asked him the reason why and he said because he was worried.I told him if you cant trust me then what is there left.I left him and moved back in with my parents.I continued to work for the club and one night I met this man.He told me it was his sons 21 st birthday.He said to show him a good time and I did.I think I should of ran but I didnt.Well after that we got together a couple of times and had fun having sex and doing Roxi's.The weird thing was that his freind was always there so I started hooking him up with my freind at the club.They didnt like it much but having sex in the room with someone else was fun.Well I fell in love with him{or so I thought}He had a wife and a baby due in a month that he never told me about.Well I kicked him to the curb but by this time i was so lonely and hurt that I kept his freind with me.He was fun to talk to and made me laugh.We stayed together and shortly afterwards I lost my job at the ***** club.I didnt want to do it anymore because theres a lot of things that go on behind closed doors.He didnt understand.we stayed there till we had to move out and I moved in with my parents again.the thing was I got him to go along.I loved him and to my everlasting shame I still do.We moved back and started stealing to keep up our habit of pills.Then my parent told me he had to leave and I told them that I was going with him.Well so they through me out.So now we have no home.we wonder the street and go to live with his aunt.He then steals all her stuff and she throws us out.Taking all my worldly possesions that I took with me.Were homeless again living in freinds sheds and abandoned houses.Its winter and so cold but I would follow him to the ends of the earth.I start sleeping with people to get food and money to keep us alive.He never suspects me and I am so ashamed of myself.He goes to jail for stealing and is in there for three months.i have nowere to go my only family 500 miles away.I start to live in a shelter moving from one to the next.He finally comes out and I have acomplished to get an apartment for us.Hes so happy and Im so happy not to be afraid.Thinking to myself how many times I could of ended up dead in a ditch.We live together and Im not happy with the job I have to do to keep us alive and warm.we decide that I am going to love with a freind because I told him that I was pregnant.We made sweet love and It still burns in my memory.Not but two months later he gets arrested for stealing again.Now he will serve 3 years.I havent talked to him since that day and neither has he tried to talk to me.Now i have a 2 year old son that looks just like his father.I still love him but I dont know what to do I feel like all these secrets and lies are everything that makes up our relationship.I dont know if I should write him or not.Im just so lonely and heartbroken and noone to share any of it with.This is my life story though shortened because some detailes are to go to the grave with me.
mandyvdb212 mandyvdb212
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

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I understand a lot of what you went thru. I have two kids without there father. but my advice to you is look at that baby there and think if u want him to grow up with a father that's in and out of jail all the time and do u really think the man will change when he gets out? I think you should keep moving forward and better YOUR own life for your sons sake. god bless and I wish u the best :)