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Uncomfortable With Physical Contact!

I have always needed my own space, even I was a small child I was uncomfortable with too much hugging.  I don’t know why but I feel resistance towards my mum, like hugging her just feels unnatural and I can remember this from an early age.  It’s like I was always rebelling against her, as soon as I was able I was wearing what I wanted and eating what I wanted.  I was always so independent and had to be self sufficient and that naturally kept people at a distance.

If someone touches me and I am not expecting I totally over react, like I on defensive or something.  You know sometimes people are just being friendly and poke you and I jump right out of my skin.  It takes me while to become comfortable with physical contact, I can’t stand people touching my neck.  The irony is that I actually do crave physical contact even though my body seems to act so strongly against it.

My theory is that I am hyper sensitive to touch, so when some one touches me I feel it so intensely that I over react.  The times when I have got physical with someone I can’t handle it; it’s just too much for me!

It might be a control issues, I have always been funny about the way things feel and what I eat.  When I was younger I had issues with eating and lost a lot of weight and looking back that was all about control.

My other theory is that my mum had post natal depression when I was a baby, I know that she really struggled on her own me as a demanding baby.  I think this early struggle made me learn that I had to be self reliant and this become ingrained!

To what extent are we born with such behaviours? Or are they a product of environment?  I don’t know if asking such questions is really that useful because whether there is an answer or not I will still be a person who is uncomfortable with physical contact!

I do see the advantages of being the way that I am don’t get me wrong!

eelarc eelarc 26-30, F Feb 23, 2010

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